February 21, 2005
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Well the kids have a day off from school. We have had fun, as we have received about 6 inches of snow. It has stopped but they are speculating about possible 2 hour delays tomorrow. My oldest son, 16 did get his learner’s permit, so now he is finding renewed interest in accompanying my husband and me on trips to stores, just for the possibility that he will be allowed to drive. Kind of fun, and a good way to get some talking in.
Pink eye has finally seemed to stop. My daughter graciously shared it with me, but now we are both recovered, but I have two more days of eyedrops.
Currently reading: abba’s child by Brennan Manning
This book really impacts me. He has a chapter entitled “The Imposter” which covers the false fronts we tend to put on to impress others. Those who have been abused tend to put on more false fronts than others.
On Page 34 he says, “Living out of the false self creates a compulsive desire to present a perfect image to the public so that everybody will admire us and nobody will now us. The impostor’s life becomes a perpetual roller-coaster ride of elation and depression.”
I think that a bit of the above applies to me. I am constantly trying to people please, to make people like me. If I feel that I have offended anyone I tend to get very upset, to try and figure out where I went wrong. It is tough.
Since coming to Christ, I have ceased to be as much of an impostor. In fact, I have tried my hardest to be as honest as possible, not pretending a religiousity that is not there, sharing openly the doubts and fears, the anger and hurt. Trying to not lie to God, who I don’t think you can lie to in the first place.
But there is a part of me that feels like I am on the outside looking in, a part that still feels that nothing I can do can be right, and that maybe one day I will be kicked out of the Kingdom. I know this is not true, but the fear is there nonetheless.
Bible study on Matthew 16:13-20
3 reasons why the Church is essential.
1. Jesus takes pride in his church. He speaks in v. 18 of MY church, with a possessiveness and intimacy Hebrews 2: 11-12 he who sanctifies us, is not ashamed to call us bretheren. Jesus sees our potentiality, he sees us prophetically in what we are going to be, and positionally, robed in His righteousness. In our dealings with others we must striave to see others as Jesus sees us. It is our tendency to judge people by their actions and ourselves by our Intentions. We really need to reverse this and see the intentions in others and judge our actions more strictly.
2. Jesus prevails through his church v.18 gates of hell will not prevail against it. We used to think of our church as a fortress. But this passage implies that Jesus wants us to storm the gates of hell, to release those in bondage, kind of like Jesus’ army , he will use us.
3. Jesus protects his church v.19 binding and loosing, keys of the kingdom. Just like a husband and wife usually share the same sets of keys, each with a key ring of the house key, car key, etc. while the husband is head of the household, the wife also has the same keys of authority.
Any Christian who ignores the church is vulnerable, subject to bruises and hurts. We need the church and each other. For the Church to do well Jesus must be the priority.
The question is, “Who do we say that Jesus is?”
Have a great day,
Heather
Comments (22)
“Living out of the false self creates a compulsive desire to present a perfect image to the public so that everybody will admire us and nobody will now us. The impostor’s life becomes a perpetual roller-coaster ride of elation and depression.”
whew…isn’ t that the truth! I was so frustrated at myself because I was SUCH a fraud and Ididn’t understand why it was the only way I seemed to be able to live!!!
“Since coming to Christ, I have ceased to be as much of an impostor. In fact, I have tried my hardest to be as honest as possible, not pretending a religiousity that is not there, sharing openly the doubts and fears, the anger and hurt. Trying to not lie to God, who I don’t think you can lie to in the first place.”
Praise Him That that is the truth now!!
Very cool entry. I say Jesus is Messiah, the one who is and is to come. The ‘ I Am’… and just so much more. God is good.
On Page 34 he says, “Living out of the false self creates a compulsive desire to present a perfect image to the public so that everybody will admire us and nobody will now us. The impostor’s life becomes a perpetual roller-coaster ride of elation and depression.”
I really like that passage. So much truth! It just made me stop and think. Awesome =). Bless you, ~E
I am not one of those people who says once saved, always saved. I also don’t think that if you turn from God that you never could have faced him to begin with. Too many verses declare the opposite. Fear of the Lord is a wise thing, in fact it is the beginning of wisdom. Solomon knew this, and said so. Regarding your comments about church, it isn’t a question of who Jesus is, nor even who we say he is. The question to ask is “who/what is the church?” I’d love to learn more about the greek word for church and the original language used to describe it. I’m sure there’s some very deep stuff there. The only essential church is the true church, the one Peter was part of, the group of people who are true Christ followers, who put Him first, who are the Bride.
” The question to ask is “who/what is the church?” “
Yes, that seems to be the question reigning supreme at the moment, seemingly no matter where I go.
The imposter. I left this comment on another’s site today, who spoke of wearing the fake smile for friends:
“The mask is really easy to put on, but the more we wear it, the more difficult it becomes to take it off and let another see our true face. And sometimes we even forget who we truly are.”
Sorry, I don’t have the lyrics. I would like the CD myself. They practice at church, and I guess her youth leader has it.
Church vs. church… hrm. Jesus never endorsed Church… what He spoke of when referring to ‘the Church’ was the body of people credited with righteousness… these are those who believed on and followed Him. These people are important. The church as an establishment will never be… although it wishes it were.
Impostor… Living out of the false self creates a compulsive desire to present a perfect image to the public so that everybody will admire us and nobody will now us. I’ve never had this problem, but I’ve watched others play that game. In fact, I wrote a whole blog on ‘that glow’. What’s amazing is how angry Impostors get with those who are honest… I wonder if it’s because they wish they could be, or because they can’t abide people being more genuine than they are (although wouldn’t it just be easier to be genuine?) Hrm…
Good food for thought, at that.
Excellent post Heather….and yayayaya you are feeling better tooo!!!! One of the joys of bein mom aye……the kids share all the “Good” stuff with us!!! Any way….i really liked this entry….and i really like Anna’s comment….i read about
that glow and i totally agree…….life in Christ just isn’t like that…..i don’t agree with puttin up fronts….but i think we all do it one time or another…..we are human…..thank GOD we have our Father to help us along in this journey….and what a journey it is….
Sometimes it is hard not to put up fronts. I have to sometimes appear stern to my kids so that they pay attention to what is important to them, but behind the gruff exterior is a heart of love.
I too like Anna’s comment. What was interesting about this Bible passage is that it is the first time in the Gospels that Christ mentions Church.
Snowberry, yes it is hard to keep masks on and then remember who we are. I have lost so much of myself because of the masks I put on as a child. In fact, I don’t think I ever really lived as a child, all my actions at that age were to control the situation which was uncontrolable to the best of my kid ability. That meant smiling when I wanted to scream or run away in horror, pretending things were ok at home when they were a living nightmare, pretending things were ok at school when I was the target for the class bullies. To flinch or put a look of horror on my face could have gotten me killed by my father. I had no illusions that masks were essential to survival.
The problem comes from the fact that today they are not necessary, and I still use those defense mechanisms. I have been praying hard to have God remove those parts of me that block Him, and those parts that are not edifying. It is just such a slow process.
FKI, I disagree with you in this about the once saved, always saved. I believe that it is once saved, always saved. About the only condition that salvation can be lost in is the blaspheme of the Holy Spirit. And that would not entail the little doubts, mistakes and sins we do day to day, but it would take someone who is so grounded in their faith to deliberately turn their back on God and reject their salvation. Or someone who deliberately hardens their hearts over and over and over until God honors their desire.
But Jesus died for our sins, past present and future. He knows we are human, fleshly. Even Paul said that he did the things he wished he didn’t and didn’t do things that he wished he did. God knows our sinful natures, and if we focus on loving God and Jesus, and keep trying to honor the gift that they gave us, we will gradually come closer to being more like Jesus, but he knows we will stumble, fall, and at times backslide. At least this is what my pastor assures me when I come into his office devestated because of how much I have failed in a situation. We must repent and move forward.
Heather
We are all in process. It is life-long. Sometimes the best prayer to pray, is “Lord make me willing to be willing!” He is all-powerful, all-knowing and so much more lenient as a parent than we would be! And so very patient. He demands nothing, He waits and gently “nudges” us time and time again. He already knows the end from the beginning, where we have no understanding. I am so very grateful and humbled by the Scripture that says, “Such knowledge is too wonderful for me” when it comes to figuring things out. Our human logic and reasoning is so “leaky”, I think the best thing is to just give up trying to figure Him out! Entering into the “rest of the Lord” is so much simpler! When we are weak, He is strong! Blessings!
Hehe, yes. Never enough books.
((Hugs))
<3
i don’t think Ive ever commented on your site, but I do read, and this time I’m gonna comment, as part of a group I voulenteer for we were required to read Abba’s Child, and I’m glad to see you are reading it to, it is one of the few books I recomend to anyone christian or not, I was actually stuck on the Imposter chapter for a little over a month because it struck such a chord with me, I hope this book will help you understand how much God truly loves you, and allow you to see yourself through his eyes, as his beloved child, if you like to read, when you are finished with Abba’s Child, I would recomend the book Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller ( which I am currently reading) this is another one I have been telling everyone and their mother to read, if you like Abba’s Child you’ll get alot out of his one too. I hope that God’s peace and joy will thrive in you and that you will be secure in knowing he will never turn you away.
good post! The Church is the bride of Christ. it is made up of all true believers from all time; past, present and future. they are in all denominations (even a few baptists!) and from all walks of life. in every local church, however, you get a mixed bag. some are true believers and members of The Church (the universal church), and some are there for other reasons. it can become a sub-culture, void of the presence of the Christ and His Holy Spirit. what i am speaking of on my site is the ‘church game’ that many ppl play. even those who are the Universal Church get caught up in it and lose sight of their true and only calling. i am calling them back to intimacy with God through Christ….and to cast off the showmanship of ‘churchianity.
hope it hasn’t confused you as a new believer. i came to Christ as my personal Saviour when i was 18 back in 1972. He has never left me, nor abandoned me. but many ‘christians’ have….after judging me and seperating themselves from me because i didn’t manifest what they thought was ‘mature’ behaviour. i was different. different isn’t bad. it’s just different.
my husband went to dallas theological seminary and pastored a church for 14 years as the pastor and another 8 years as assistant pastor. i heve heald every office there is available for women to hold in a local baptist church. i taught with child evangelism fellowship and have lead hundreds to Christ as Saviour.
praying for you in your new walk of faith!!! welcome to The Family……..the Church Universal!
Thanks for visiting my site. I am enjoying your studies. Currently reading The Normal Christian Life by one of my favorite teachers: Watchman Nee.
Blessings
Hey Heather, thanks for the comment, I’m glad you take your kids to Chuck E. Cheese… You’re a good mom. ;0)
Thank you for asking. I am doing as okay as I am going to. I am more worried about Joe. Niko was closer to Joe, and Gabe and Mittens are closer to me. It was just really sad to see a beautiful, loving member of the family destroy himself. For what? In a misguided attempt to hurt another? I know deep down there is a special something that was given to humanity that animals do not share, but I am often amazed at how similar we are when we allow emotion to guide us, rather than that driving force makes us stand out in the animal kingdom.
Back to topic, I have had so many conversations lately about the church, including some on FKIProfessor’s posts the past few days that I didn’t want to get into it too much. Last week, Hanja asked questions about the church and its meaning that made me think of the beauty of the Church. She has such a lovely way with words. You may like to check it out by clicking here. This was my response to her questions:
“These are some ideas that came into my head as I read your post. Many people have a wrong idea about what church is. For many, it is the denomination to which they belong. But denominations divide, and the body of Christ is meant to be united, not severed. Others think that it is the building you go to to worship God with others (God’s house). But church is not built out of brick and mortar to make four walls and a steeple. Church is built with the souls saved by the redeeming blood of the Lamb with Him as the firm foundation. To me church is about relationship, our relationship with God and with each other. We are called the body (which means the individual parts have to work together in order to survive); we are also called the bride (His treasured love, whom He gave His everything for). We are made for relationship. Relationship both with God and with one another. Though some alone time is good, and we can heartily worship the Lord by ourselves, we were never meant to be alone for long. For Adam, God created a help-mate. For Elijah, God assured him he was not alone and there was a remnant of prophets to help support him. Jesus often went off to pray by Himself, but He always returned to His friends. We encourage each other, we support each other, we take care of each other, we hold each other accountable. Going back to the body analogy for example, if I have a cut on my right pinky, then I will need my left hand to bandage it; the pinky cannot do it on its own. We need each other almost as much as we need God. When we think of the two great commandments, the first was for the love of God, the second for the love of others. Even God is not alone – and I am not referring to saints or angels. The Godhead is plural – a plural unity made up of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. The church represents God, so we too are to be a plural unity.”
HI HEATHER …praying for you……………hope you are well today…………with love ROBIN
When we grow up with abuse, we don many masks for many reasons, mostly for our own protection. As I grow in my knowledge of Christ and grow in the belief of God’s pure love, the masks of insecurity and protection fall away. I do not feel threatened anymore by the fact that I am Gunnar’s wife or Tori’s mother or Lee’s sister, because I know that all of these things are a part of “Alyx” and what is most important is that I know that I have worth IN GOD’S EYES, even if nobody else recognizes this (even me!)
One never gets rid of a bad habit; it is merely replaced with a better one. So as the Holy Spirit reveals to me what needs to be changed in me, practicing how I should be becomes a habit instead. And after a while, that part of me becomes what God wants for me, then He shows me another one. One good habit builds upon another, just as success builds upon success. When I begin to feel like I am “a fake”, I think of the changes that God has made for me, because I am willing to try. And then I can tell myself, “Oh, I’m not a fake; I AM honest (or compassionate or helpful) and I thank God. Does that make sense?
A lot of wisdom in these comments. I hope you found your answer, or at least the essential part of it you were seeking. Have a AWE-FILLED day! ^_^
Sandcastles comment is so true. The closer to Jesus we are the more authentic we become. blessings lala
The problem with our masks, as stated in some else’s earlier post, is that when we have worn them for long enough, we forget who we really are. We grow accustomed to what the mask looks like and convince ourselves that we truly are our mask. Such a dangerous place to arrive at.
The proplem with the church in connection with our masks is that in most “congregations” (not churches), we have been tainted with a lifestyle which says, “If you have problems in your life..pain…hurt….anger…..abuse….addiction…..struggle……you had better get rid of it or hide it like the rest of us.” We as Christians have created some of the most elaborate masks. My wife has a friend she’s had since they were children, and my wife loves this non-Christian girl simply because when Tonya (my wife) hangs with her, there is no pretense. She’s raw!
That is normal of most non-CHristians; to live without pretense. What you see, truly is what you get. But in the Christian sub-culture we have created, you are to be spotless and without blemish whether you really are or not. Someone above said that to deny church is to deny vulnerability, but I would challenge you to find congregations and Christians who actually ARE willing to be vulnerable.
I don’t know that the question is “what is church”, but “what do I give to the church.” Is it me, or my elaborate collection of masks? Sadly, most often it is likely my mask.
Let me just say I really do appreciate the community of believers I run into at this site. I seem to attract a lot of hostility at my site. I appreciate the presentation of knowledge and searching IN LOVE I experience here. Blessing to all of you.
From Abba’s lap,
PC
no, please…keep the hat on. seminary is not as nearly “hard work” as much as it is fun. i am only taking 3 classes, and it’s just so enriching to be surrounded by so many believers. i feel like im at church more than at school. hehe.
blessings to you…
yours, joy
NomiPie, I am going to look up that book. Abba’s Child is not a book to hurry through, that is for sure.
My Exodus, I know that prayer well. It took a long time for me to be willing to take steps of forgiveness and I had to pray for the willingness to forgive. I have a lot of things God has to work at making me willing to do, for I want to do them, but run in fear as well.
Lindalindsey, you are right, the real church is the Body of Christ, not denominations. I think we get set in our traditions and denominations, and at times forget the real purpose of Church as Christ’s body.
Dr. Russo, I am hoping that people come from here to your site. You are doing remarkable missionary work.
LeighAnn, my heart goes out to you. When you lose such a special family member it is tough. You are right though, many of us sometimes act more like animals.
Sandcastles, it is so good to know that as we come closer to Christ the masks will fall away. I know that some have in my life, but not all. There are so many.
Good point PC, I find that sometimes I even walk into church hurting and hide behind a smile. Some Christians are warm and you can be open with them, others want you to live up to their expectations, and when we fall short they trample on you. When I first started going to the church I go to, I used to sit in the back row (as most newcomers tend to) and I would watch people. Some seemed so real, others you could tell it was more for show. And I know I have no right to be judging, but as a newcomer I was observing. I pointed out to my pastor about that and he said that that is the way it is in all churches, some put on masks to pretend, others have deep felt experiences. But all will grow if they just keep coming around. I am sorry that there are hostile ones at your site. I love visiting your site, and pray that that ceases.
This is joy, sounds like a great place to attend seminary. Glad you are enjoying it, my hat is still off to you.
Heather
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