January 21, 2005

• Currently reading Rosamunde Pilcher’s Coming Home for my women’s book club. Seems to be an interesting World War II novel.

  
  

  Also reading Revelation (The Bible) and Your God is Too Safe by Mark Buchanan

  
  

  We are waiting to hear how much snow we are going to get, I think about 10 or more inches of snow. sigh.

  
  

  If you do not mind, please keep me in your prayers. I seem to be in a downward spiral of emotions, memories emerging, and sleeplessness. I know it will pass, but it is tough dealing with it in the midst.

  
  

  Well, our pastor is on part vacation, part evangelical trip, so today’s Bible study was done by the assistant pastor. My husband commented, Pastor Don makes things sound easy, Pastor Ted seems to complicate things. Today’s Bible study was Pastor Ted.

  
  

  It was very interesting though and part of it seems to fit with Buchanan’s book. I am hoping I can get this down clearly.

  
  

  He started out by asking an interesting question, “Can satan cast out satan.”

  
  

  The responses were mixed, I stated that yes he could. This, believe it or not was the right answer. I got this from all the years of counselling with my pastor. See, I came to this church with a background of the occult, big time. I remember telling my pastor that I was a white witch, that I only did good things, healing and helping others through divination. He recommended a great book for me to read The Beautiful Side of Evil, which if you haven’t read it is a good description of how satan works through what appears to the senses to be so good.

  
  

  My pastor explained to me that when I was doing a healing here was what was happening. 1. satan is the author of sickness and disease, so the sickness came from satan. 2. When I laid hands on people, cast a spell, read the cards satan removed his hand of sickness from off of the person. I was led to believe I had effected the healing with the help of whatever god or goddess I was invoking, but really it was just satan lifting his hand of sickness off of the person. At any time the satan could return the sickness, it was not a thorough healing as one that can come from God. 3. That satan wanted people to think that there were two different kinds of witchcraft good and evil, so that they would be fooled into thinking that they were doing good works, so thus would please god.

  
  

  Eventually I was able to see this, and once I saw through the deception, I was flabbergasted.

  
  

  Well, today’s Bible study added something that really excited me. At one point Jesus said that a kingdom divided against itself cannot stand. When satan does his tricks and removes the disease to fool us, what is that but a kingdom divided against itself!!!!!!!

  
  

  To continue, we looked at Acts 19: 11-20 the seven sons of Sceva,  who were casting out spirits by the Jesus whom Paul preaches. The spirits ended up possessing the sons and the Israelite priest saying that, Paul I know and Jesus I know, but I do not know you, and the spirits came onto the priests.

  
  

  We also talked about the people today who claim to cast out demons. Some demons are not really demons at all, but just our problems with our own flesh. But the ones that claim to cast out demons may not be really doing so, it depends on the fruit of their works, and whether or not the person is changed. See, Jesus even said that seven more spirits will come into a house that has been vacated by one if that house is not filled up with good word. (paraphrase). That satan could also be doing a trick by making the spirits seem to be leaving the person, but it could be a trick, that we can only tell by the fruit of what happens to the person and how they change.

  
  

  He spent time talking about generational curses (something I am still working at understanding).

  
  

  He also said that today many churches do not preach the truth, that they want a friendly God who is kind of like a supermarket, and that they speak as if God will benignly look at us when we sin. That they do not speak so much of how God wants to purify us and bring us closer to holiness.

  
  

  That is where the Bible study started merging with some of what I have been reading in Your God is too Safe. In this book they talked about Uzzah, who was part of the plan of David to move the Ark of the Covenant to Jerusalem. That Uzzah decided to do it in a very grandiose way (chariots – the height of fashion of those days). when God had decreed that the ark was to be carried on the shoulders of the priests. That Uzzah’s way was outward show, whereas being carried on the shoulders was much more about worship and closeness to God. Well Uzzah reached out to balance the ark as if God needed Uzzah’s hand to protect Him, and in touching the ark (another rule that God said should not happen) Uzzah treated God too familiarly and ended up being struck dead. Basically when we worship in our own ways, making God our own god, doing our own thing, picking and choosing what we will accept from the Bible we are doing a similar thing to Uzzah and our worship is dead worship, not alive in Christ.

  
  

  Buchannan says on p. 32, “I recknon this: the idol of the nice god, the safe god, has done more damage to biblical faith–more damage to people coming to faith–than the caricatue of the tyrant god ever did.

  
  

  P. 33 “Scripture elsewhere tells us that the “ruler of the air has blinded our eyes” to the truth. But one of the main ways the devil has done that is through the cult of the safe god. The safe god has pretty much killed the power of recognition in us, and so when the real God comes into our midst, we mostly don’t even bother to look up. The safe god has no power to console us in grief or shake us from complacency or rescue us from the pit.”

  
  

  He goes on to say that God is a consuming fire whose main purpose is not to get us parking places, make the weather confrom to our will, etc. His main purpose is to make us holy.

  
  

  P. 33 “The God who truly is, who seeks you and me, who desires our holiness, is far more loving and comforting than the safe god. And the true God is far more fierce and fearsome than the bullying and petulent god of our imaginations. But His anger is not irritability: It is the distillation of His justice, His hatred of evil. It is what we would want, even demand, from a good God.

  
  

  ****

  
  

  Now regarding generational curses, I think my salvation helped to break one because I did not perpetuate the abuse I received as a child onto my children and I did not marry a man who abuses either me or my children. I married a loving and gentle person. So that curse was broken.

  
  

  I am still working on my relationship with God and boy do I need help with that. I often think that God wants works, and I figure that He will only like me if I am doing good things. Yet I also fear God and project the evil of my father onto God and run from Him.

  
  

  Never once did I know a God with the kind of familiarity that David had, or some people seem to have where they assume God’s love , and know that they are safe in God’s hands. I keep being afraid that God will be fickle and turn. That is as much putting God into a box as reaching out like Uzzah did.

  
  

  One day I was reduced to tears when I watched a little kid fall down and run to his father’s arms and crawl into the lap with an assurance that his father would hold him, comfort him, and take care of him. I never once knew that kind of safety as a kid, so when people tell me to run to God’s arms, crawl into his lap, let God close, I freeze, I break out into a cold sweat, and run away. Or else try to hide, I don’t know what a natural relationship to God is. I think that in a way I am too broken inside. Too unable to do this.

  
  

  I know this sounds crass, but it took me about a year before I could say “I love you” to God. I was afraid that if I said that that God would tell me to scram, that he didn’t love me, that I would be rejected. I am more comfortable with the distant, judgemental God that some portray God as, and I know that God is not that cruel.

  
  

  How does one learn to trust God? How does one have a comfortable, relaxed relationship (respectful but relaxed)? How does God want me to approach Him? Does God really want and love me? I have so many questions and fears.

  
  

  Got to get off and let my husband on computer. Thanks for “listening.”

  
  

  Heather

  • 8:50 pm
  • 19 Comments