January 18, 2005

  • Lots of thoughts crossing my mind, all wanting attention. I will share what I can, but if it is disjointed, please forgive. Cool fact I learned and will try out shortly, if you hold the shift key down and hit enter, you do not have to have a space between the lines in a poem.


    Finished reading Spoon River Anthology by Edgar Lee Masters. It is a delightful book of epithaths which tell a story of Spoon River. Each person buried on the hill has a few words to say and by reading all of them you get an idea of the interconnectedness of the people and a bit about their lives. One of my favorites is


    Hortense Robbins


    My name used to be in the papers daily
    As having dined somewhere,
    Or traveled somewhere
    Or rented a house in Paris,
    Where I entertained the nobility.
    I was forever eating or traveling,
    Or taking the cure at Baden-Baden,
    Now I am here to do honor
    To Spoon River, here beside the family whence I sprang.
    No one cares now where I dined,
    Or lived, or whom I entertained,
    Or how often I took the cure at Baden-Baden!


    **


    Well that pretty much sums up or lives and work. Reminds me of  I Corinthians 3:11-15


    For no other foundation can anyone lay than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. Now if anyone builds on this foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw, each one’s work will become clear; for the Day will declare it, because it will be revealed by fire; and the fire will test each one’s work, of what sort it is. If anyone’s work which he has built on it endures, he will receive a reward. If anyone’s work is burned, he will suffer loss; but he himself will be saved, yet so as through fire.


    Mr.Hortense Robbins built his foundation with wood, hay and straw, and had nothing to show for his life, nor nothing for a remembrance. I pray that some of the works I do are more like the gold, silver and precious stones.


    But even the works which seem good, if they are not the ones God wanted me to do, will they endure? Hope that I am at least doing some that God wants.


    ***Am reading Your God is Too Safe by Mark Buchanan


    He talks about how many Christians (myself included) live on the borderland “the barren but crowded place between two worlds, between the lost and the found, the old and the new, the damned and the redeemed, where so many of us get stuck.”


    Then he talks about how we want to see God as safe (boy can I relate to that) but he says …”when I say we’ve made God too safe,I mean that we want Him to be comfortable rather than comforting. I mean that we want Him to be peaceable, to keep His peace, to be docile, rather than to be peacemaking and peace giving. And instead of being our hiding place, we would prefer God be our ace in the hole. And if that doesn’t work, we’d prefer to hide from Him” Then Buchanan says “And then we find, in the soft logic of our half-baked theology, that a too-safe god has no power to get us unstuck.”


    **


    I sort of agree with the above, with a caveeat. I know that God has to put us in situations that grow us, much the same way that we grow our children. That if we keep coddling them, and not let them make their own minds up about things, take risks, and branch out and grow up and out of our influence we are not doing them any favors. But speaking as one who never had a chance to feel safety, I sure would like to feel God as safe for awhile, to be nurtured, and to be allowed to just rest as a child in God’s arms, not being forced into new territory when I don’t have the foundation. I don’t think I ever thought of God as an ace in the hole, and frankly, when I asked God to stop my father from raping me, Yes, I wanted God to act and act quickly. I think there is a difference between wants and needs. I NEEDED God and he let me down. sigh. I have much to work on regading this.


    ****


    Am doing the second of Kay Arthur’s Revelation studies, and it first involves reading through the book and marking certain words and terms with symbols.


    In reading about the trumpet judgements where are escalating events of disaster that happens on the earth, I came to the passage in Revelation 9:20-21 “And the rest of mankind, who were not killed by these plagues, did not repent of the works of their hands, so as not to worship demons, and the idols of gold and of silver and of brass and of stone and of wood, which can neither see nor hear nor walk; and they did not repent of their murders nor of their sorceries nor of their immorality nor of their thefts.”


     


    Funny how each time I read through the Bible (and I have read it many times cover to cover) so much more is understood. Reading this saddened me. The first time I read through the Bible, I focused on how God hardened Pharoah’s heart (and assumed my heart was hardened, much as the people in the above passage). It was later readings that let me see that Pharoah hardened his heart the first few times, then God honored that and let his heart be hardened. God will not force himself on anyone.


    Then, this reading of the Bible cover to cover I have been seeing how many prophesies were fulfilled from the Old Testiment. And in a moment of duh, I realized how Revelation is a prophesy for the future (now I knew that intellectually, but it hit home in a peculiar way today, I will explain). For almost 2000 years Revelation has been in the Bible. People have been reading it over and over, coupled with other books such as Daniel, Isaiah, and even Jesus’ own words in the Gospel that fortell of what will happen.


    We look at what is happening in the world around us today, and in many churches the Pastors are speaking of prophesy, but in some churches that is not so, they are speaking those kinds of words that make God too safe (see quote of Buchanan’s book). We want to think that all will be saved, that things will be peachy, and it isn’t going to happen that way, no matter how much we wishful think that. Those are straw, hay and stubble ideas.


    I used to think it was cruel how people were just offed in the Old Testament because of a sin, or how God would just knock out thousands of people, or the flood, or in Revelation the 1/4 of things destroyed, 1/3 of people, etc. Lots of people if you consider the population of the earth. Patently unfair it seemed to me. On a more careful reading of the Old Testament and I saw how many years were given between the warnings and the events of destruction. How God gave people a choice and practically begged them to Choose LIFE. The people chose to rebel and chose death.


    These prophesies of Revelation have been around 2000 years, plenty of time for warning, people have the choice to read or not to read them, to believe or not to believe them. The actions have been held off until the Gospel is preached around the world, and now that is happening.


    When events happen, especially those listed in Revelation, to think that people will see them occur, could use their eyes and read the prophesy, and still not repent of their murders, sorceries, immorality. That they cannot read the writing on the wall and realize their ultimate end, astounds me. It saddens me. Oh, I pray that people make the right choice.


    Now I still have a long way to go in building my relationship with God, but it is hard to doubt what is written in the Bible. And all the prophets that prophesized in the Bible faced a major penalty if they gave a prophesy not from God, stoning to death. I think they chose their words carefully. Wish some of today’s so-called prophets did the same. But given the severe penalty of false prophesy in Biblical times, I sure wish people would pay more attention to what the prophets said, and act on it. Myself included.


    Heather


     

Comments (10)

  • It isn’t a doubt thing – it’s a blame thing.  The Tribulation People will shake their fists at God and say ‘How could I serve a God who would do such terrible things?  You suck!!  I’d rather rot in hell!’

    And they will.

  • Hi Heather!  I’m glad to meet you.  Your blog has given me an issue to chew over.  I understand what you’re saying.  Most of the world is spiritually asleep, and also unaware of how they can help themselves on a purely earthly level.

    At first thought, I was going to say that to see God in your life as a “safe haven”, happens inside of us, (because all of my life’s messes I brought on myself).  I always knew that I suffered because I disobeyed.  I always believed God WAS my safe haven, and I rarely felt let down.  You though, didn’t have that choice.

    I have heard a theory from the near death experiencers, that we all agreed to come to this earth, agreed to the life we would lead and what we would go through, for the sake of personal growth.  And that each person needed whatever challenges they would face here, to fill out or mature whatever part of them was incomplete or misunderstood. 

    I can “feel” what they are talking about, but it is hard to put into words.  In the case of my handicapped son, when I might start feeling sad for him that he can’t have a life path and make choices like others, I am forced to look at how mature his soul is.  If it is true that we agree to come here as we are, then his life is certainly not in vain.  Even if only to convict the rest of us as lazy and guilty of not using the full measure of abilities we’re given.

    But he reminds me to worship God, he brings me into a “knowing” about God that is precious. 

    I have heard of people who actually physically fight satan in their physical life, and they sacrifice much.  I’ve heard of so many, like you, who have faced things as children that they had no control over, yet went on to GREAT accomplishments and went so much further than the average “unchallenged” person. 

    I think God must look at our lives a bit differently than we do.  I think He must look at the end result and count it so worth the pain of the fire we walk through.  And only He could know what reward awaits those like you who have had to suffer hell on earth.

    I challenge you, Heather, to rise up above everything around you and in your past, anything that weighs you down and seek to fulfill the post He brought you here for.  To BELIEVE with all your heart, that it was for a high calling and that your relationship with Him will be so incredibly close that everything in your past pales in comparison to the joy you’ll soon have.

    And to bring with you as many hurting souls as you can gather, to teach them also to grow beyond their struggles. 

    For He didn’t spare His own son, and He certainly loved Him.  I believe He loves you as much and will reveal all to you one day.  Faith is choosing to love and live in the shadow of His peace, until knowledge can (in looking back) prove why.

    I’d been a Christian for more than 25 years, had seen great miracles, angel interventions and also had great suffering, but I had no idea that God would one day reveal His physical and mental presence to me in a way I could touch and interact with.  I thought we just had to be content with the Word in the Bible and follow it without meeting Him until we died.

    Now I can teach others, that one day He will likely reveal Himself to you too, in a much more intimate and immediate way.  But ask for it, seek it, and then trust that the Spirit will bring all you seek.

    Who knows what wonderful things are about to happen in your life!!!???  This month, this year, could be the beginning of an experience that you will rise up and shout to the whole earth about. 

    I don’t worry so much anymore about whether or not these are the end times.  I used to obsess about it and fear it.  Dread it.  But now I focus on being with Jesus every moment that I can, and being LIKE Jesus as much as I can.  To share love and comfort, because people are hurting.  To share sustenance as I can, but mostly to encourage others to forgive and live in love.  Now every day is special because it holds something new that I’ll discover in the Lord.

    My Self becomes less important, and my sisterhood in the earth with all others under His love becomes satisfying. 

    I’m praying for you Heather.  I believe God has great plans for you.  I hope my interpretation of your blog and the issues of your life are not too far out to make sense to you.  If it is, please forgive me and as I get to know you through your writing, perhaps I can offer some comfort.

  • I know how you feel about God not being there when needed…..I asked God to be there to help me from being abused another day. It went on and it was like He wasn’t there at all….and He let it continue for years and years.

    Because my abuser (physical, emotional abuse) was my father, I tend to view God as cold, calculating and a punishing God. No matter how often others tell me the opposite….how He is  warm and loving God, I still find that hard to fathom because my eartly father was not.

    I’m not sure how one can go about chaning their perceptions of God, for I would like to…I would like to see the grace and infinite goodness others see.

    P.S.: I didn’t know that about the shift key and all. Well I gotta run, my ride is here!

  • Wow Heather,

    You have given me much to ponder … I’d like to print this one out for study reference if that’s okay with you.

    I think I’d like to get my hands on that book.  It is a conversation I have often had with friends how we make God in the image we want Him to be, but He is who He is and not who we make of Him.

    I like epitaphs too.  Some people have a really good sense of humor, even in their death.  I’ve often thought I might like a funny epitaph, but the one that I have come up with for myself that I like the most is not funny:

    “Do not remember me for where I have been.  Rather remember me for where I have gone.”

  • thanks for your comment, i hope so too!

  • True, Anna, it is a blame thing at that time. Of course I too went through a lot of blaming God. Today’s news talks about acts of God, etc. They seem to blame God for all things like this. But I guess if they knew that it was a response to sin, something predicted in the future, I still hope some repent.

    Hi Castity Rose, thanks for your input and for visiting. One thing you said made me pause, the idea that from people who have had near death experiences that we agreed to come to earth in the position we are born in. That strikes me as a bit new age philosophy. It doesn’t really have a parallel in the Bible. All the Bible says is that God knew our end from our beginning, and knows what is in our lives as he fashioned us before the earth was created. It also says that we are the clay and God is the potter. I don’t think we have any agreement in our creation, except in how we accept what happens to us and the choices we make as a consequence of what we had happen.

    As far as the handicap of your son, during one of Jesus’ talks with people he was asked whether it was the parent’s fault or the person’s sin for the handicap the person had, and Jesus said neither. I think, though that you are right that God can redeem whatever happens to us. He can give us beauty for ashes.

    I do think that God sees our life differently from what we do as he has the whole picture. I heard a devotional one time about a tapestry. We view our lives (the tapestry from behind) and see all the knots and not the pretty picture. God views it from the front and has the whole beautiful picture.

    You are right, that it is not necessary to focus on end times events, it is just where we (our church) is in the studying of the Bible. I haven’t been a Christian as long as you, only two years this January. So do not have a lot of experience under my belt. I hope one day to have the kind of relationship with Christ that you suggest is possible.

    Oh starvingtheartist, we both need to learn what others know, that God is very loving. I think that we come to learn this the more we spend time with Him. I still have a lot to learn in that category, but one thing struck home to me. At one point Jesus said that if you have seen me, you have seen the father. If God is like Jesus, he most certainly can’t be like our fathers.

    LeighAnn, please feel free to copy anything you wish of my ramblings. I will let you know if the book continues to be as good as the first few pages.

    Heather

  • I really appreciate Kay Aurthor ! :)

    and I apprecaite you ! Thanx for your well wishes and prayer ! I have bounced back quickly ! all it take is for me to recall how God has never failed me yet !

    Hang on to Him !

  • Sleep well!! ::hugs::

    Thanks for the opinion. ::hugs::

    <3

  • You asked me if I liked reading The Purpose Driven Life. Yes. I’ve enjoyed it. It has opened up a lot of doors to my mind. I haven’t grown this much from one exercise in a long time. I’m becoming a doer rather than a hearer only. You also asked about the trials. Trials don’t necessarily come from God, and God will never be a source of temptation, but God does use what Satan means for evil to His good advantage. I’m working on a study of the book of James at the moment and the first chapter deals a lot with this subject. God is glorified in our weakness. Trials, tests, and temptations are opportunities for us to draw closer to God, to learn from Him, to lean on Him, and to let him be glorified. John quoted Jesus as saying repeatedly that if we love Jesus we will obey him. We also have a lot of promises about the joy that comes from obedience to him, and we have a Comforter, and about all the good that can come from what we perceive as painful at the time. Our bodies are tents, meant as temporary living quarters for our souls because this world is temporary. God breaths the breath of life. He is the master of the winds. When he decides to blow down our tent it will be because our permanent home is ready for us. There are many mysteries. How can you hope for what you already have or know? That is the essence of faith. Faith is the demonstration of love. Service and obedience are the demonstration of faith. The indwelling holy spirit makes it possible for us to hear and know our Lord so that we can obey. I hope this made sense. Be blessed.

  • I guess the ‘he let me down’ thing depends on perspective… it’s easy to think you were abandoned. Harder to have faith and trust in something illogical. Reminds me of the story about Christ and one set of footprints.

    Thanks. Implosion, indeed.

    I wonder if I focus too much on others, though.

    Eek, 23. And below 0! ::hugs::

    <3

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