April 10, 2005
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Could use a few prayers tonight. I have been very depressed for these past few days, and even studying the scripture isn’t helping much. The house has fallen apart and if I could I would crawl into bed and pull the pillow up over my head or something.
Memories are surfacing again (not caused by the things that I have written about my past, but just new facts).
I am extremely worried about my husband’s health and his wrong medical choices like stopping heart medicine cold turkey and refusing to see a doctor. Financially things are tough, and I am fighting tooth and nail to keep him keeping health insurance. He wants to drop that to save money, but given the state of his health, not such a bright idea.
Things are ok with the kids, for once there is a bit of peace. I think getting outdoors is helping in that arena, and they all have their interests. But there are challenges in trying hard to keep all their activities straight, as mom’s taxi service.
I keep telling myself that this depression will pass, I know that they do because they have in the past. I have survived years of depression, but right now a few prayers would help. The tears are there behind my eyes, but I can’t cry. Does God ever give people a breather. I am tired of having to overcome things year after year after year after year. What did I ever do to God to make Him not put a hedge of protection around me, I am tired of the battles.
Thanks for praying,
Heather
Comments (43)
Oh Heather…..I’m sorry to hear you so depressed. I know it’s hard having a hard-headed husband. But you can’t force him to do anything. Just pray for him to realize what he is doing to himself. You might try to talk to him and ask him what you are going to do if something happens to him? If he thinks you are having financial problems now, what does he think his dying is going to do to you financially then? Maybe something might trigger in his heart and change his mind. The whole crazy hectic mom taxi service can be very confusing sometimes but you might try in making yourself a huge schedule. Write down all of the hours that the kids are needing to be picked up and driven somewhere. Having something up on the fridge or the wall, in plain site might make things a little unconfusing. Don’t let these things get your spirit down. You have so much going for you……I will pray for you and I don’t think this will really make any difference the way you are feeling but I really enjoy reading your thoughts, your past (I can’t believe I wasn’t the only person on earth who actually knows you Billy Jack is and actually paid to see everysingle of his movies!!), you have alot to say and get off your chest, this site of yours is like your therapy and a little bit like ours as well.
He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. Isaiah 40:29
God Bless!!
OH HEATHER there are many trials in life we must face and go through……GOD IS WITH YOU I do know that!
I AM IN PRAYER FOR YOU and your whole family!
Sometimes it does feel like there is no breathing space in between I know……………………but keep YOUR ARMOUR on……………
MAY the peace of GOD COMFORT YOU…………..big hugs and love
GOD BLESS
Thanks for subbing me… You know… in the past few years I have learned more about depression first hand. Honestly I really think it is one of those things once you have experienced you can relate to people better. I am curious of you thoughts on Isaiah 53… specifically verses 3-5. Do you think Jesus suffered from depression?
Many people think depression in the winter is the hardest. I don’t because with all the darkness and cold, it’s kind of like our bodies and minds have an excuse. But when spring is here, and you see the sun and the flowers budding and you want to enjoy it all but feel you just can’t … that’s the hardest time of depression for me. But for you, the dark memories that come up must make it that much harder. Hold on, Precious Child of God. I know that’s hard for you to see yourself as, but you know deep down you are, and He loves you. I know this doesn’t compare in the slightest to what you have gone through, and I don’t want you to think I’m making it smaller in any way, but what is in my head is the only way I can describe what I felt when I read your plea for a hedge of protection. As a parent, I let Joshua climb, and sometimes watch as he falls. Most times he is pretty okay and can just get up and dust himself off. Other times he gets hurt real bad. It’s these times that I wish I could take the pain away, but I know that the pain will teach him valuable lessons. His grandparents don’t want me to let him do anything in which he can hurt himself, but if I tried to anticipate and shelter and pad every move so that he never got hurt in my presence, then he wouldn’t learn from his mistakes. Then there are other times when I will watch as another child will push him out of the way because he’s not as fast. A few times he got punched at the playground just for taking too long to go down the slide. Each time I saw it coming but didn’t do anything to stop it. If he is okay then I let it go, as much as it pains me to do so. But if he’s crying because he’s really hurt, I go running. I can’t do anything to the other child who hurt him, but I can hold and comfort my own son. I know God is not limited as I am, but maybe those times you thought you were all alone, I know God didn’t stop the bully, but maybe, just maybe He went running at your cry. I’m so sorry. I wish I knew the answers for you and all the right things you need to hear. Maybe I should just stop now. ***hugs***
God removed the hedge of protection that He put around Job, and when Paul prayed and asked God to remove his thorn in the flesh, God said , My grace is sufficient for thee. You are definitely going through alot. Keep reading God’s word, and keep thanking and praising God for forgiving all your sins and giving you eternal life. The Bible says, IN everything, give thanks. Not FOR everything, but IN everything.For we know that ALL THINGS work together for good to them that love God. I’m praying for you. God bless.
Heather, RYC, we all must, at some time, face the trials that will reveal to us our inner idolotries. I cannot say that therefore you should feel better. It is good to go to the house of mourning, said Solomon. All I can do is encourage you to “ride this one out” and trust, not that God hasn’t been protecting you, but that He has, and be glad that it isn’t worse. No trial you face, or will ever face, is larger than you can handle (1 Cor 10:13). That means that God has looked down on Heather, has seen her strength, and has only allowed trials that are her size or smaller. Trials are a back-handed pat on the back from God?
Oh sister! The word tells us to count it all joy when things come against us! Read about Job when every thing is falling apart. God’s trust in you is far greater than you think. He will put no more on you than you can bare with HIS help! Speak to your mountain and claim it and remenber for JOY COMETH IN THE MORNING!
Thank you for your prayers. It means a lot to me knowing you are praying for my family and me during this time. I will keep you in my prayers as well. May you knw and feel the peace of God in your life especially in the areas of your life when Christ must carry you through the hard times.
Godspeed,
Wesley
Heather — you must know this: God is with you through it all — if you hurt and are depressed it grieves the heart of God — Your situations are NOT based on how much you read or how much you pray — they do not happen based on “HOW GOOD of a Christian” you are. You will never ever be good enough. I know the desire of God’s heart is that you are FULL OF JOY and whole in body, mind and spirit.
Lord, I ask that you touch Heather in the name of Jesus — touch her depression, her mind, and her Spirit — Lord, I ask that you show her the incredible love you have for her and her husband. You would go to any length to show her to win her — in fact you went further than any man in the history of the world!!! JESUS —- amen
Pastor Greg
1 I love you, O LORD , my strength.
2 The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn [a] of my salvation, my stronghold.
3 I call to the LORD , who is worthy of praise,
and I am saved from my enemies
Dear Lord I pray for my sister Heather,who needs your strength right now.Lord we praise you because you are a shield you are the horn of our salvation,you are a refuge.Sometimes Lord,we just need to rest in you.Lord we pray for heather that you will save her from the enemy of depression,I pray Lord you save her from financial worry,we pray for discernment for her husband to take his medicine.Lord you are Jehovah Jirah,you are the provider for all.You give us what we need,financially,emotionally,spiritually.Lord surround Heahter with your loving arms.Let her rest in you right now.Let her feel your strength.We give these concerns of hers over toyou.Lord their at your feet,strengthen her.Remind her Lord,you are Sovereing,you will helpher through these valleys,let her lean on you Lord.Remind her Lord that you are working through these situations,that she is your child,that you love her and care for her.I ask these things in Jesus precious name,Amen. Huggggggggssssssss Heather!!!
I’m sorry hon. When I get like that I just try to focus on one verse. Doing studies is something that my heart and my mind can’t take when I’m down that low. Here’s something that you can concentrate on:
Romans 5:1-5 / Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. 3 And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; 4 and perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
thank you Lord, that you lift Heather up every minute and cradle her in Your strong arms! please continue to let her know how much You love her and are protecting her! encourage her in her walk with You…..may she feel the strength that comes from a close relationship with You. thank You that she loves You and seeks You early. many are watching. show them Your love!i plead the Blood of Christ on her circumstances! defeat satan in all of this…he hates, condemns, accuses, discourages, attacks where it hurts most. like a lion after the weak ones in the flock, he stalks and waits. please stop him! above all else, i thank You for being You! You are soooo awesome and terrific and terrifying all in one breath!
no one can stand up to that!
YAY GOD!!!!!!!! You RocK!
You’re in my prayers, Heather. And reading the comments and prayers for you, 2 in particular really spoke to me. The one from LSP1 and the other from PastorHallockd. I understand it’s not easy. But in everything we must give thanks. There are times I’ve faced what I fealt were insurmountable obstacles. God has worked or is working to bring me through them. Either in this life or the next. You’ll make it!
Hi Heather…It seems that everyone has already quoted you a sufficient amount of scripture…so I am just going to say that I will keep you and your family in my prayers…if you need anything email me…
don
I haven’t been by much lately – very swamped, but wanted to drop a quick note. Sorry you’re feeling down. Yes, you continue to be on my prayer list. I do hope your hubby will take care of himself. Us guys rarely do a good job at that. We always think we’re expendable or indestructable or something. Either way it doesn’t really help you ladies much when we ignore reality. TTFN.
Yes, I wondered how posting about your past so many times in the past weeks would affect you. I’ll keep you in my prayers… but know that He is with you – even to the end of the world. ((hugs))
The hedge of protection IS around you. Imagine if it weren’t. Imagine Job. Bad things happen to good people. God obviously chose you because He knew that you would glorify Him through these things more than anyone else would in your situation. God is good. He cannot lie, and He promises that He will not leave us orphans here on earth. Keep your head up, literally. Dani
Oh Heather. I am so sorry that you are feeling so down and worried. Your husband’s choices must be making you very worried indeed. How could you not be worried? He is your spouse, your love, your family. Free will sometimes takes people down the wrong road, and we can’t force them to turn around. Only they can.
I just ache for you and your pain and depression. It is such an anguished place to be. I wish I could be there to sort all of this out with you in person. But I am so glad that we are on this journy together. God has put us together and I am grateful and blessed to be a part of your life. I am praying and thinking of your always.
With much sisterly love and great big hugs…..
Marlene
i hear you friend…lately ive been a little overwhelmed with things also, and i think satan uses whatever he can do make us feel low. ive been physically really tired lately…it’s prob from my trip over spring break, but it’s been affecting the way i treat people(ive been sour), and my priorities are fading. let’s put our hope and faith on the soild rock by which we stand. only jesus can heal our hearts. only jesus can give us rest.
Sorry to hear you’re going through this. I will definitely keep you in my prayers. God will never give you more than you can handle…that’s His promise to us.
Psalms 32:7 You are my hiding place;
You shall preserve me from trouble;
You shall surround me with songs of deliverance.Selah
This is an awesome opportunity to minister to God. When many of the prophets got into a hard place, they would begin to sing and give praise to God and victory would come. I have been through many depressions and when I start to pray and sing to God, the depression will lift. Get you some good worship music going and get before God. (selah….pause and think about it). Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but God shall deliver them out of them all. I pray that you are lifted today.
ryc: I hope not, b/c one of the other reasons I love him is because of his faithfulness!
I will pray for your husband…and you. That’s scary when a loved one doesn’t take care of himself…seems that’s something else our husbands have in common…
I am puzzled, what does RYC stand for? Not sure of that.
Thanks for prayers and encouragement. I had to put things into God’s hands because I was driving myself crazy with worry, but I keep finding myself snatching it back.
Heather
Heather, I said a prayer for you and your husband. It is so hard to give it to Him totally isn’t? I know that He can work wonderful works in us. Cling to Him during this time. Take Care, Deb
Heather: I agree with Angel45 and Danjer but I also add this thought: For Job things did get very tough…but after he endured and remained steadfast in his faith, God restored him. Your restoration is comming, there is peace on your horizon, there is a rainbow for this storm, there is a dawn for this darkness and you are blessed with a bevy of Xanga friends many of which I am sure will be praying for you and many of which would eagerly be a shoulder for you to cry on or with, in your time of despair. We (believers) are all brothers and sisters in Christ and when you hurt, we hurt. You are not alone, your family is here to support you.
I was told once a long time ago , that depression was anger turned inward. That made sense to me b/c I had ALOT of anger but learned early on that expressing anger outwardly was NOT acceptable, it had to go somewhere. It is also my experience that most of my suffering was from the consequences of human choices, not anything God was taking away because of something I did/didn’t do. The dust around here is just beginning to settle after 6 years of turmoil.Several things helped me ride out the storms…first is that scripture tells us that we are to expect trials and storms, but remember that THEY WILL PASS ! Ecclesiates says there is a time and purpose for everything. There was HOPE in that , knowing that it would END. Jeremiah 29:11 says; For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you , plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE. ( This I had to repeat over and over until I started to believe that it included me too.) In hindsight i have learned that the Joy and Peace he promised far outweighed the pain. Don’t forget to LOOK AT THE GEMS AND BLESSINGS in your life and thank the Lord for them, life is a mixture of both . We determine if we see the world as the glass half empty or half full. Remember also, that like the Footprints poem says, God is walking right next to us and when we are unable to walk on our own strength, God will lift us and carry us . OBEDIENCE IS ALWAYS BLESSED. I have lots of evidence of that today. I will pray for persistence for you and that you will Trust your God long enough so he can prove to you that His words are True !! HANG IN THERE – I leave you with one more thought to ponder…….Did you know that a lump of coal under pressure is transformed into a valuable diamond ? And we as God’s people, are known as His Diamonds in the Rough ! WE ARE VERY VALUABLE TO GOD !!!
The Spirit comes to the aid of our weakness. We do not even know how we ought to pray, but through our in articulate groans the Spirit himself is pleading for us, and God who searches our inmost being knows what the Spirit means, because he pleads for God’s own people in God’s own way. Romans 8:26-27
Cling to the Holy Spirit girl. I will be praying for ya and your husband.
Karen
I was told once a long time ago , that depression was anger turned inward. That made sense to me b/c I had ALOT of anger but learned early on that expressing anger outwardly was NOT acceptable, it had to go somewhere. It is also my experience that most of my suffering was from the consequences of human choices, not anything God was taking away because of something I did/didn’t do. The dust around here is just beginning to settle after 6 years of turmoil.Several things helped me ride out the storms…first is that scripture tells us that we are to expect trials and storms, but remember that THEY WILL PASS ! Ecclesiates says there is a time and purpose for everything. There was HOPE in that , knowing that it would END. Jeremiah 29:11 says; For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you , plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE. ( This I had to repeat over and over until I started to believe that it included me too.) In hindsight i have learned that the Joy and Peace he promised far outweighed the pain. Don’t forget to LOOK AT THE GEMS AND BLESSINGS in your life and thank the Lord for them, life is a mixture of both . We determine if we see the world as the glass half empty or half full. Remember also, that like the Footprints poem says, God is walking right next to us and when we are unable to walk on our own strength, God will lift us and carry us . OBEDIENCE IS ALWAYS BLESSED. I have lots of evidence of that today. I will pray for persistence for you and that you will Trust your God long enough so he can prove to you that His words are True !! HANG IN THERE – I leave you with one more thought to ponder…….Did you know that a lump of coal under pressure is transformed into a valuable diamond ? And we as God’s people, are known as His Diamonds in the Rough ! WE ARE VERY VALUABLE TO GOD !!!
Praying for you.
i’ve seen that ryc b4 abd was confused….i just figured because of this context that it must be re:your comment
RYC stands for “responding to your comment” I am praying that God bless you and your Husband.
Praying for you….
I don’t think this has anything to do with a lack of a hedge of protection. These kind of things are what this earth is about. God uses trials and challenges to refine us…to make us stronger in our faith…and to make us better people. When you are really feeling like your suffering inspite of your faith in God…ead JOB. That’s one unfair thing that happened to him, and yet his faith in God NEVER waivered.
Be greatful that God loves you enough to want to make you a stronger person….
Hope you’re feeling better! ~D~
Thanks, I have learned a new abbreviation RYC. Makes me smile because my husband emails a co-worker with computer stuff, and a mistake was made and his co-worker responded with LOL in the email. My husband could not figure out why the person would be signing an email Lots of Love. I explained it had a different meaning, so now we laugh.
I don’t feel so alone with all of these pressures right now because of your kindness. My heart is heavy, but I don’t feel alone. I was talking with God in the shower (one of the few places I don’t get barged in on), and the only words to say to my husband are “I love you, and I want you around for a good long time. Please take care of yourself.” So I said those, but believe me I have a few sermons I could preach to him if I let my mouth run away.
That and stupid financial decisions and some of the things he wants to do just drive me bonkers, and I love the man so dearly. I keep putting this in God’s hands and then pulling it back to work on it some more. But I am trying to put it in God’s hands and leave it alone. I am trying to stand on the concept of God can turn bad things into good. And these decisions of my husband are definitely bad things.
I am also struggling with asking God for this, because I still have ingrained in me the fear that God will not respond, sort of like how He didn’t respond when I was a kid. Or that He will do the opposite because He knows I want my husband’s health so much. Do we ever get rid of this garbage?
I was told on Friday by Daryl Copes to keep stating that God loves me, that He cares for me. To say it over and over outloud. I am trying that, but it is not an easy one to believe (not that I am calling God a liar), but it is a challenge. And all the worship songs that cover this topic are reducing me to tears. I haven’t been this broken in a long time.
Thank you for your prayers. It is a struggle, but nice to know I do not have to struggle alone.
Heather
Yea, I don’t know what tool I am either. Maybe a screwdriver cause I seem to be really good at screwing things up!
Just kidding.
How are you doing btw? Feeling any less blue?
Yea, I don’t know what tool I am either. Maybe I’m a screwdriver, cause I’m really good at screwing things up!
How ya doing btw? Feeling any less blue?
(Oh, ryc means it’s a response to your comment.)
Hi Heather…TY for your prayers today………………….
PRAYING you are feeling much better today………..BASKING in the LORD.
YOU can see you are VERY cared about………………….AMEN
Love to you…………..hugs
im sorry. God bless and best of luck to you.
Let Him work his miracles for you.
<3 always love
Isnt it awesome to know you have so many people praying for you? Keep your chin up!
Hey Heather!
I agree that when one part of the body hurts, the rest hurt with him/her. One of the things I find missing in the comments I read (praise God that there are so many!) is the help of God’s people. We need to remember that James said, “Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, ‘Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,’ but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?” James 2:15-16 (NIV).
Heather, do you have men in your husband’s and your life that can seek to reason with him and pray with him? Do you belong to a home church where they can prayerfully consider how God can move them to help with your financial needs? If your church doesn’t have a counselor, is there one they can recommend and perhaps a friend/s could help pay for the counseling or the church provide it at no cost? Try contacting Focus on the Family at 1-800-afamily or go to their website at http://www.family.org and ask them for some help. It is a ministry that is willing to give free resources to those who cannot pay for them and demonstrate the need for them. You would definitely fit that description.
I would also suggest that you make clear to the children that the world doesn’t revolve around them either. I have seen too many parents allow their kids to get involved in a multitude of things that they do not have the ability to get to. Once you multiply that out by two, three, four, or however many children, that is a lot of taxiing and it is grossly unfair to ask you to do it all. Each one should pick one or two major things to participate in and learn to say no to the others. If they can find alternate means of transportation, perhaps they can choose more or at least relieve you of that burden.
“Lord God, you are strong and we are weak. You know the answers and we just think we do. Your ways are not our ways and our ways are not yours. As high as the heavens are above the earth, so are your ways higher than ours. I ask that you hear the prayers of your loved one as she reaches out in despair to the lover of her soul. Draw her near in your embrace. Help her to be satisfied and comforted in you. Give her wisdom with her husband. Help him to see what he is doing to her as well as to himself. Hear also the multitude of prayers being lifted up on her behalf. This is one loved woman, not only by you, but by many who know her and many more who haven’t met her but the love of Christ constrains them to lift her up to your throne of grace. May she feel a renewed sense of your purpose, of your peace, and even when they are not present, may she be able to believe that there is a purpose and a plan behind all that occurs. We pray in the name of the Great Physican, Amen.”
You are right. You are not alone in your struggle. Though baptised a few years ago, Joe leans more toward agnostic than true believer. Because of this and also my strong personality, it is very difficult for me to not take his reins as head of household. Only by the grace of God can I keep from constantly butting heads with him. We’ve been blessed with 10 years of not killing each other … may we have many more.
And may you be blessed with many more years with your husband.
Heather,
Praying for you as I type. Have known that dark place of depression in the past. Not a fun place to be. Praying for your husband’s health and wisdom as well.
PS… I paid the bills!
My husband asked last Friday for a form our pastor has regarding financial counseling, but I am not sure he will get it filled out this week due to having to get taxes out, but once he does, he is planning to see our pastor. I have an appointment with Pastor Don on Thursday and I offered that to Jim for this purpose if he wanted it. I plan to share with Pastor Don my concerns about Jim, and hopefully this will help. While my husband attends Bible study he does not choose to attend this church, and he is not all that close to any of the men in the church. His closest friends are not ones who think straight regarding health issues. But that is a good point.
My husband is Catholic, but he just attends the Mass, and makes the kids attend the religious ed stuff, but does not do more than that. He does not have a relationship with the priest. I suspect he just wants to see all three kids confirmed, at least that is my hope. But he does attend two Bible based church’s Bible studies a week, so he is getting some of the Word of God in him. I just keep praying.
Thank you for your kindness. I did not get to post a new post yesterday for my daughter had a track meet. And the kids had reports, and I was exhausted. I had not slept well for two nights and I guess last night it caught up with me, and I did sleep. I think prayers helped in that area too.
Heather
Heather,
I am married to an unsaved man, yet God’s Word and the Holy Spirit have taught me (but, i’m a slow learner!) to submit to the authority of my husband. I, like some others who commented, am a very head-stong and independent thinker. Sometimes JW’s decisions were foolish, and through that God strengthened my faith. Not faith in my husband, but faith in my Father. When I am obedient to God, I enable Him to bless me and have found Him tol be faithful to me through the consequences. I pray that as you watch and wait for God to work “all things to His glory” that you will find your spirit renewed and your hope refreshed. I really believe God knew how hard it would be, yet he told wives to submit. And He knew how hard it would be, yet He told husband’s to be the head of the household. He knew and yet he did it knowing also what is best for us, what our needs are . He did it because He loves us… not to punish us… but to bring glory to Himself. So, when I find it difficult to do… I just do it for Jesus. (and a few times I have reminded Jerry that I’m submitting out of obedience to the Lord and that he’s not only got me and the kids to be concerned about, but he’s accountable to God) I hope someday it will be my testimony of submission that may help JW understand his need to submit to God and to receive Jesus as Savior. At least I don’t want to be a stumbling block!