March 5, 2005

• Well, I enjoyed the concert, and was able to catch the last 40 minutes or so of Bible study. My husband has put it on a CD for me, and I will listen to the rest and give a recap. 

  
  

  Right now am reading Andrew Murray on Prayer. It is not a book to hurry through, but to savor. I also have to get busy with my Kay Arthur studies as I have homework to do before Wednesday.

  
  

  Chapter two of the book in Murray’s  Abide in Christ

  
  

  Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

  
  

  This book is really hitting me where I need it the most. I am such a wayward soul in that I try hard to be self-sufficient and in control. Any yoke put on me I would probably struggle against. These thoughts are a compilation of previous Bible study notes and Andrew Murry.

  
  

  From a Bible study, yokes, ox yokes were carved from wood, and Jesus is the master carpenter, so he would have made many yokes in his day. The yokes had to be very smooth and carefully made, fitted to the animal. For in pulling heavy loads the yokes would chafe the animal if they were not correctly made for the animal.

  
  

  So when Jesus has us yoked to him, his yoke would be carefully made to fit us, our strengths and weaknesses, where we are. Since He knows us intimately they would fit perfectly. Because Jesus is yoked with us, he would be doing the most of the work and we would be following along. If we try to pull against the yokes we hurt ourselves.

  
  

  Now I pull against the yokes a lot, and then find myself blaming God for the hurts I receive, and when I finally settle down and look at it, I realize that it is me who caused the hurt by going my own way. When will I ever learn that one?

  
  

  Andrew Murray says that in this passage the promise of rest was repeated twice. Abiding rest is only found in abiding nearness to Christ.

  
  

  Andrew Murray continues and says that there are two separate promises in this verse. the first one is when we first get salvation, we find rest for our soul in the release and peace that comes from forgiveness of sins. The second rest comes “But we know that all that God bestows needs time to become fully our own; it must be held fast and appropriated and assimilated into our innermost being  without this not even Christ’s giving can make it our very own, in full experience and enjoyment.”

  
  

  Basically we still have our fleshly bodies, and it takes time to learn how to obey and have the discipline to follow Christ in this way.

  
  

  I was talking with my pastor one day expressing a few fears. One of which is how painful I perceived some of the changes would be, that perhaps they would be more than I could handle. And he pointed out to me how much Christ had already cleaned off of me, and that Christ did not overwhelm me.

  
  

  For me, I have a fear of being overwhelmed and dominated. It kind of comes from the past where there was no free will, and a lot of hurt. So when I hear of anyone being in charge of my life, my mind instantly runs to the fears of being led around at the whim of a powerful person, that it will end up hurting me, and that it is not in my best interests.

  
  

  Now I know that God is not like my earthly authority figures, and that his heart is to help me to be a good living stone in the Kingdom of God, and that in order to fit in right, there must be adjustments made. What I keep forgetting is that it is not me being yoked to a wagon and forced forward, but that Christ is yoked with me, and that we are walking together. It is a hard thing for me to get through my thick skull.

  
  

  Also Pastor Don pointed out that Christ will never force His will on me, but will be there the moment I ask for His help. I am trying to learn to ask for his help more and over lots more things. Haven’t gotten to the point of asking Him in every situation, but I suspect that as I get to this point there will be less and less hurtful things happening due to mistakes I make.

  
  

  Page 23 in Murray says, “But, alas, I hear someone say, it is just this abiding in Jesus, always bearing His yoke, to learn of Him, that is so difficult, and the very effort to attain to this often disturbs the rest even more than sin or the world. What a mistake to speak thus, and yet how often the words are heard!… ..The soul has but to yield itself to Him, to be still and rest in the confidence that His love has undertaken, and that His faithfulness will perform, the work of keeping it safe in the shelter of His arms.”

  
  

  I often have a works mentality when it comes to dealing with God and Jesus, figuring that I have to be good enough, perfect enough, doing the exact right thing, etc. and that only then would God love me. I keep being reminded by Pastor Don that God loved me while I was still a sinner, so why would he love me less now with the new being that I am, even if not perfect.

  
  

  I also know that no one is perfect and that we all fall short, but somehow I have to unlearn that I have to do things to be loved. That to me Agape love is like speaking a foreign language, something that just doesn’t compute.

  
  

  Murray put it perfectly on p. 24, “It is not the yoke, but resistance to the yoke, that causes the difficulty; the wholehearted surrender to Jesus, as at once our Master and our Keeper, finds and secures the rest.”

  
  

  My walk with God seems to be tiny step forward and then a lot of steps back as I experiment with this surrender to Christ. I want surrender so much I can almost taste it, but once I surrender, the fear sets in and I back off.

  
  

  But the other day, I was sharing my testimony with some women and it dawned on me just how far I have come since I have accepted Christ. And perhaps it is happening gradually and gently, and one day I will look around and be amazed at all these mental gymnastics that I am putting myself through.

  
  

  I will try to listen to the CD my husband cut and then share the Friday Bible study with you as soon as possible. Have a lot to do and organize over today and tomorrow though, as I am the area’s cooking chairperson, and Girl Scout cookies are to be delivered on Monday, so a lot of paperwork to be done.

  
  

  Hope you have a good weekend, at least it isn’t snowing today.

  
  

  Heather

  • 9:15 am
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