February 12, 2005
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Sometimes the message of youth drowns out the message of truth.
This struck home so much yesterday in Bible study. When one is hurt terribly, it colors your view of God, and makes trust so difficult. No matter how many times you tell yourself it just ain’t so, you still find yourself wondering about God, trying to figure out if you can trust God.
I wish I could get beyond this impasse’ but it is not as easy as just turning your back on the problem and moving forward. I wish I could quiet the questions in my mind, but the questions outweigh the trust in God.
God could stop time, heal the sick, raise the dead, throw hailstones with great accuracy, strike down tons of people, send one angel to defeat an army. Seems like God intervened when He wanted to, so why not in my situation?
I know people say that God is sovereign, but others say that He wants relationship. Relationship comes from trust, and when you are left in the midst of a situation alone, it does not do much to build trust.
I guess the other way to look at it is that God created the earth, he gave us Jesus, what more do we want.
At 8 was when I gave up on God, and never gave Him the time of day for more years than I care to think about. I remember once writing a story about a little boy who was playing in a sandbox. His parents came out and said, “That is great Johnny, but this one is too close to the sun, this planet too far away. Only one planet could sustain life.” Johnny came in to eat dinner and washed his hands. He never looked back.
At 10 I wrote the above story, and even a bit of philosophy comparing God to an industrial clock. People were the dots that showed the minutes, the sweep hand was life passing by quickly, and the arrow at the small part of the sweep hand (for seconds) was God, who never ever touched the people. God was not someone I had a relationship with. For what it is worth, the pagan gods did nothing either.
I know the parables of the tares and the wheat. The ones that God lets the good grow with the bad. I know about free will, but that is lopsided because the victims don’t have the free will.
I keep grinding my wheels in this circle of sorting out the questions. For awhile one of our cars was stuck in the snow and no amount of reving the engine could free the wheels. I am stuck here. There are good answers, but a lot of the answers sound like excuses for God.
You know people say, God is love and God is good (I believe that), so why the bad.
Well satan does the bad (ok) but then how do you explain Job (still a book of the Bible that is tough). God let this stuff happen to his faithful servent.
Well God had a purpose (so we are pawns?)
No, God gives us free will. Not always.
When questioned, God pointed out the miracles of creation and pointed out that we could not do anything to affect creation. So that is all he said.
So God planned our lives from before the earth was created – did he hate some of us so?
No God loves you, (funny kind of love).
Then people say that these questions are examples of needing deliverance, put in my mind by satan.
Sometimes I think it is just a matter of giving up, doing the best good you can, living day by day and hoping for the best.
Sorry for being so glum, but I won’t lie and pretend to be what I am not, and right now I am glum.
Thanks for listening,
Heather
Comments (30)
I think at times we all have questions, Heather, but God has a way of showing us the answers and I believe with all my heart that one day you will have the answers you are seeking for. I wish I could say something to make it all better for you, but I can’t. I do know that with some people when they have gone thru hard times, they asked God, “where were you when this happened?” (not accusingly, just wanting to know) and He let them know. I also know for a fact that God can heal memories; He can take the pain out. Just because it hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean that it won’t.I am praying for you!!!!
(((HUGS)))
hazie
Heather, Heather, Heather… So many questions, so little time? Do you really want specific answers, or just philosophizing? No- I read your comments on too many other sites. I know you know. Free will. Man found out about evil. He had the choice. Just in the finding out he blew it. We all fall short of the Glory of God. We all sin. We all deserve the penalty due us. Anything good that happens in life is grace. Anything else is deserved. We are clay. Job was a good guy. A little full of himself at times, but a good guy. Good didn’t get him into favor with God. It was faith. Abiding faith. Imperfect, but faith nonetheless. Faith is a verb. Love is a verb. He testified of God to his friends. He admitted his own lowliness when faced with the glory of God. He learned, he grew all the more in faith. He was rewarded. It was all those around him who failed to have faith that suffered more. If his first family really did believe (and we know his wife didn’t) they went to a better place anyway. My brother has a real problem with God because of Job. I don’t know how to better explain it. I hope this helps.
I often find that when I am having trouble finding the answers I need, it is because I am asking the wrong questions. I am not saying your questions are wrong, but I do know there are no pat answers to them. If there were, life would be so much easier for so many and faith in God would be a piece of cake (with fresh-sliced strawberries in custard filling and whipped icing!)
Who do you say that God is? And why would you accept God if you have NO trust in him? Why would you preach about a loving caring God to others and not recieve him for yourself? That is not happening, you do have faith and trust, but you are not using it. God gives every man a measure of faith, its what you do with it that makes a difference. At 4 years old up unto the age of 8 when you gave up on God, who told you that there was a God? And if there was somebody around you or in your life that told you about God, why did you not tell them about your abuse? Where were your brothers, sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, pastors, neighbors, police? I hope that you are not offended because of these questions, because none is intended. I just want to know. You are in the word and you said that you have read the bible through twice. You did not have a choice to what happened to you, but you have a choice now. Why spend anymore time blaming God, blame the devil, he is the one that hurt you. You give the devil power in your life everytime you blame God for abandoning you. You give the devil a place to keep the stronghold you have built every time accuse God of being unloving and uncaring. If you are going to ever live a peaceful life, you will have to make a choice. Job’s wife saw all the things that were happening to him and told him that he should just curse God and die and he called her a fool. Job did not understand what all was happening to him and he accused God falsly. He thought what was happening to him that God was doing it when it was really the devil. But because Job knew God, he didn’t really care, his aim was to stay faithful and never with his mouth blasphemed God. And he lost everything he had and still had the praise of God, even though at times he wanted God to take his life. God wants to replace some loss in your life.
Fatherhood has become tangled up in your life. That is true what you said above about hurt colors your view of God. You know what happened to you was wrong, but you cannot see now that what is happening to you is right, meaning how God is reaching his hand to you, and you see it, but you refuse to meet him halfway because of what your birth father did to you. That why he said that we must be born again, but this time not of flesh, but of spirit. When you are born again, God recreates our spirit and we become new creations and old things pass away. If you don’t recieve the crucified Christ and his death on the cross that saves us, then there is no deliverence. When we are saved, we pass from death to life. If you confess with your mouth and believe in your heart that God raised Jesus from the dead, then you are saved. But if you believe in your heart, that God cannot be trusted, and that he is not good or sovereign, how can you be saved. I challenge your thought processes today, and I ask that you re-evaluate what you believe because whether you believe it or not, God is sovereign and all powerful, all knowing and most of all God is love. I say this today because of the love I have for you and the love that God has for you. God has always loved you, now give him a chance and love him back.
John 3:16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosever believeth in Him shall have everlasting life.
John 3:19 And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light because their deeds were evil. 3:20 For everyone that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved. 3:21 But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God
I love you Heather
AMEN ANGELA AMEN, THATS what I WAS JUST TRYING TO SAY TO HER…………………PRAISE GOD…………………………! LOVE YOU HEATHER SO MUCH……………………………..
Hazie, I asked God accusingly years ago, now I am pleading with Him because I need to know to find the peace. Until I do, I think that it will be hard to trust completely.
FKI professor, like your new picture. You make a good point that I hadn’t thought about in Job. You mention that it wasn’t what he did that pleased God, it was faith. I hadn’t thought about that angle. I have to read Job and think about that, but that makes some sort of sense.
Leigh Ann, I could use a piece of cake. Perhaps a piece of cake or a crumb thrown to a dog would help.
Angel, I think that I am on my fifth reading of the Bible now, and still searching answers. I think that I have some faith in God as you say. Faith for salvation, just not faith for relief from my past.
I guess the problem as I see it is that I prayed out to God. God did not help then, I am afraid to test now because if I test now, then God might not answer and I think that would shatter the little faith that I have.
I knew about God from TV, there were no relatives that we had contact with, there was no one to go to. My parents had tried to kill me by then three times. I was told that if I told anyone they would kill me. To my shame I never told anyone, yet I also insisted I wanted to die (squirrling away that Draino can), but I didn’t take the draino or tell anyone, so perhaps I am guilty for what they did to me.
My mom knew what was going on. She wrote it down in notebooks. Every morning without fail she would say to me, “I heard him in your room last night, tell me what he did.” I had to tell her She wrote it down in notebooks, filling up two. She also called her friends to get them to feel sorry for her because of what he was doing to me. No one called the police.
When I was 15, my sister asked me if he was bothering me too, he had abused her but not so badly because my brother was there and he slept with a knife under his pillow. She was 30 at the time. I told her yes, showed her the notebooks, and she got me out of that house with the juvenile court. The courts put me to live with her. She told me it was my fault that my father did what he did to me. She also tried to kill me and beat me frequently because I did not act normal. I still don’t know what normal is, but I was not normal back then. She was furious that I reached out to a guidance counselor at school. My sister and I have made friends since, but living with her was like jumping out of the frying pan into the fire. Only good thing, from my point of view, is that she had lots of pills that I squirrled away, and I made my first two suicide attempts.
At 17, my father died of coronary thrombosis. I was told to move back to my moms house by the courts. She was a falling on the floor, passing out drunk by then. She blamed me for my father’s death because I caused them so much embarassment. Then I started drugs, paganism and it went into the other actions that I did to try and self-destruct.
No one told me about God, no one was there to talk with. Neighbors must have known what was going on because of the yelling and bruises but they did nothing. Teachers never detected anything. This was in the 50′s and 60′s and I think these things were not talked about.
You know that my father, after his first heart attack, became Christian Scientist, which is rather like the occult in beliefs. He made me read the Bible and threw things at me, beat me if I paused too long at a comma, too short at a semicolon, or had a quiver in my voice. If I didn’t mark the books with precise right angles with the chalk to mark the weekly readings, that was good for another beating. I used to tremble and break out in a sweat just touching the Book.
Right now, even though typed word is not a good conveyor of emotion, it is not rage at God or anger at God, but pleading with God to show me where He was. My prayer has changed over the past few years from accusing God for not being there to really wanting to know where he was. I have been praying that He gives me insight into that. For me it is need to know basis.
Fatherhood and God are mixed up, I will give you that. And it is only within the last year that I have been able to really say to God and mean it, I love you. But trusting in His love for me is difficult, because I still am carrying some shame from what went on before, in my wild, hurting years.
You are right, one day I have to transfer much of this to the devil, but right now perhaps it is a measure of faith that I daily take this to God. Three years ago, before I got saved, I used to sit in the pews and rage at God. Words like God is love were like fingernails on a blackboard to me. I fumed, shook a fist. When I got saved, I apologized to God for my raging, and at that point I had a real impression that God did not mind the rage because at least I was talking with Him instead of not talking at all for 40 years to Him.
I think the kind of faith that you have comes over time. I have been saved only two years, and I think relationship is still forming. I have honestly told my pastor about what I have been struggling with, and he equated it with kids and parents. He said that kids will be good outside the home, but save their bad behavior for inside the home around the parents, where they are safe to unload. That it is not that the kids don’t love their parents, it is because they love their parents that they are able to show the good, the bad, and the ugly to them. He said that one day I will transfer this to the real source, satan, but God will help me to sort out the feelings, that God knows my heart. And my heart is for God and serving God, I just have a lot of garbage to sort through.
I haven’t shared all that happened on these pages, some of it would be too obscene to share. Maybe one day I will learn how to do a protected post, but I can’t right now share these things. I crumble inside when they cross my mind.
Perhaps if my father loved me, the abuse would not have been so awful, but he hated me, pointed me out to his prostitutes as his ugly daughter that he was stuck with. And gleefully informed me that the only way I would ever attract a man was the sex he was showing me how to do, and let me tell you that he lived out fully his porn fantasies on my body. But it hurt, for there was not one loving touch in the process.
I bought that lie which led to a period of time where I boasted that if I took a notch out of a bedpost for every time I had sex, there would be no bedpost. And my thoughts were that no man would ever want me without sex, so get the sex out of the way and maybe someone would love me. Well that one did not work.
I have to say that for all my hurting right now, I am blessed in that my kids have not been abused, my husband is kind, gentle, and loving. He treats my kids well, and the cycle of abuse was broken by deliberate choice of me. I actually had an abortion early on so I would not bring forth a child. The 10 to 15 years of therapy I had before I had my first child helped me to realize that I would not have to do to my kids what was done to me. In that I have succeeded.
I also know that it is about choice, and I have made some good choices. I chose to listen to the Spirit five years ago, when it was suggested inside that I give God one last chance. And read the Bible. I chose to go to Bible study and sit through Romans for a year (very hard to do when you are raging at God). I went to see Steve Solomon at a church, and he came over to me and prophesized over me that God would remove the tares from my mind (somehow I think this is happening now). Someone suggested that I speak with my pastor, and I spent two years in counselling with Him, showing him the bad and ugly, every thing, for I had to make sure God would not reject me for my stupid actions. He lovingly spent two years showing me God’s forgiveness through the Bible verses that he brought up for each sin I layed before him. He finally got me to trust God enough to say the sinner’s prayer, and I was sure God was going to strike me dead for that. I obediently got baptized. I have still been reading the word, studying, speaking with my pastor. There is just so much garbage.
I am crying as I type this because I don’t think you realize that with my honest statements, there has been so much growth. And it is easier to tell others about God’s love, for I know it is there for them. No lie on that one. It is just that there is so much still to work on with me, that it is harder to see it for myself. But the mere fact that I keep seeking God has to count for something. And I figure if I am like that woman with the judge and keep badgering God, one day this stuff will sort out.
Sorry for being so longwinded. I wish I could just snap my fingers and this would be resolved, but it is not that way for me. My pastor even had an answer when I pointed out to him how difficult this was for me. He told me God is building me up grain of sand by grain of sand to make a strong foundation and so that I will have patience when I reach out to others, for I will remember how tough these steps were for me. I hope he is right, if I cannot use this past for someone else’s good, then my past would crush me.
Thanks for listening.
Heather
Thank you for coming by and for your coments….
God is full of misteries, that is one of the many exiting things to look forward to when we’ll meet Him face to face…. Everyone has a child within and in some form of way that child within carries wisdom, innocence, peace and a measure of faith along with many wonderful qualities given at the time of our creation. We sometime strugle with the things that we do not, at times, as adults conprehend. So, it is then, that we must ask our heavenly Father to help us grown back into that Child within to help us to trust beyond all questionable doubts and believe in the unforseen even if we have unaswered questions. Just to trust, knowing that He is there all the time and forever. One day, when you meet Him face to face, He will explain and reveal what you are not grasping right now. He is a faithful God and He will not allow His children to wonder in a loss franme of mind and spirit if we allow Him our all with no boundaries.
I encourage you to concentrate and go back in your memory to the time when you felt encouraged to believe without expectations or even unanswered questions; just to believe. Search for what was your motivation then and ask God to reproduce it so that you can stop looking to the left or to the right and just stare forward at Him. Sometimes my dear sister, the questions that are formulated in our mind are the nothing other that deviations or fork on our emitional road to keep us from our path to righteousness and to distract us from our call to service.
You are in my prayers……..James 1:6 For let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doughts is like a wave of the sea driven and toused by the wind.
In Christian Love,
Maria
I think your information on TOLAITH is very intriguing; however, I can’t find any documentation to support it. Where did you find this information?
SENDING OUT SOME LOVE TO YOU….today…………………..AND yes feeling much better TY MISS HEATHER…( btw) email was sent to ANGEL you gave me….per your request………..!
LOVE YOU BUNCHES…ROBIN
Heather, God has spoken to you like he has spoken to everyone that believes in him, that is through his word. His word is the highest authority that we have. What you possess is in your hands, that is, the bible. In it is his plan for our salvation. Hebrew 11 say that he that cometh to God must believe that he is and a rewarder of them that diligently seek him, and further down it say that without faith it is impossible to please him. God will also seek us out, when the circumstances of our lives overwhelm us and we can’t get to him. I am reminded of a story in Mark 5. Read it at your leasure, but I will try to explain it to you.
There was a man that lived in Gadarenes east of Galilee. He lived in the tombs and was said to have an unclean spirit. The word does not say how this man got the unclean spirits but another version in Luke 8:26 says that he was driven into the wilderness by the devil. Unclean spirits can often come in through wounds to the spirit. This man was so fierce and angry that he had to be bound in chains and he often broke even the chains. Here we have a very angry many. What could happen in a man’s life that could cause such anger and fierceness. Let’s look at it, the answer may be right in our eyes.
This man it is said lived in the tombs. What are the tombs. The tomb is a place where death has been placed. It is a memorial garden, a place of memories, a place were we go and remember that someone has died. This man lived here, in the place of memories. During that time also, the tombs were a place where criminals would hide. Could we speculate that this man was living in his memories? There is no life there only memories. When the woman went to the tomb to dress Jesus’ body after he had died, the angel of the Lord asked them, “why do you seek the living among the dead?” The tomb hold no life, only death. This man was in the tombs and he was angry screaming and crying day and night and he even would cut himself with rocks. Maybe by cutting himself with rocks that he was trying to kill himself. In Luke’s version, he said that the man was naked. He was naked, out in the open and said that he would abide in no house. This man was so tormented that he had found a place where he could live, but Luke said that he had been driven into the wilderness by the devil.
When the devil wants to bind us the first thing he has to do is isolate us from truth. The wilderness is the place of emptiness and desolation where wild beast live. This man’s wilderness was the tombs. He was naked, stripped of his clothes and a right mind. Maybe it was shame that was his nakedness, maybe he had been stripped of any good that was in him, maybe just maybe he had been hurt in some area of his life and felt that he could not recover, maybe he trusted noone and lived in his garden of memories which caused him to cry day and night. Luke said the devil drove him there. When all we can receive is what the devil is saying, he uses it to drive us away from God rather than to God. Jesus was just right across the sea in Galilee.
He didn’t find Jesus in this garden of memories where he had himself become entombed. Jesus found him. Praise God!!!! The devil had done a number on this man to the point that it made him scream and cry, but Jesus heard him. The first thing this man did when Jesus was approaching him was to falsely accuse him of coming to torment him, he even used the name of God to keep him away. Surely this was not the man, because he screamed and cried for help, it was the unclean spirits in him, the spirits that had taken residence in his spirit, for they recognized Jesus and did not want to leave this man. According to Matthew 12:43-45 unclean spirits can set up in a person and cause them to be bound and live its life through the person. That maybe what happened to this man. Jesus right away addressed the spirit in this man as unclean, and them made the spirits tell who they were. Get this…..He answered saying, “my name is legions…for we are many. MY GOD!!!! A legion is as many as 6,000. So here is what happens next.
The spirits started to plead and cry out to Jesus asking him not to make them leave, but notice that they use this mans voice speaking to Jesus, they asked that he send them into the swine that were on the hillside feeding. You see unclean spirits want to stay in us all, they want our warm bodies to keep house in, they want to keep us bound with uncleaness of spirit and body and mind, and they will cry out of us, some trying to give reason why they should stay. But as with this man, Jesus came to set us free. But Jesus allowed them to go into the swine, and the swine were so haunted by these uncleans spirits that the ran it said violently down the hill into the sea and drowned. That was how trecherous these spirits were, that they did not want to be possesed by these evil spirits. After these spirits left, others were on the hillside and they went to see what happened and they found Jesus with this man, and had clothes on and was clothed in his right mind.
This is what Jesus does, he comes to us and see our condition, gives us his word so they we can be made free. He sees everything in us and will address it, and set us free. What happens to you messed up your spirit, it messed up your mind and your body. What speaks out of you are all those spirits that came into you through abuse and being humiliated and shamed. All the anger and doubt and unbelief are spirits that set up house in you and brought many others. How many ohters? And they are holding on because they don’t want to leave. But there is a portion of you that wants God to deliver you from this and it is enough to bring you out….it only takes a mustard seed and you know how tiny that is. Get you some mustard seeds, take one of them between your fingers and ask youself, do I have this much faith….and you will find that you have at least that much. The man in the garden saw Jesus coming from far off, can you see Jesus even in the distance….if you can he can set you free and will go back 40 or 50 or how many years it was and set you free from its torments. I say to you that “glum” is not a what, but a who and that he is one of many.
Jesus loves you Heather, he has come to set you free. Just see him. He wants to cover your nakedness and clothe you with a right mind and release you from the tombs where death and the criminals of your past hang out. David said to him “create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit in me.” let God give you back what was stolen from you. Let him bring you out of the tombs. God loves you and I do too.
Angela
Sorry about the post Heather, I pasted it to you box because my computer kept shutting down, I had it in paragraphs but it did not post like that. I hope that you can print it off and read it over, I know that God is speaking to you. I have your email address and we can correspond like that if you like.
Angela
Why do shitty things happen? More importantly, why does God allow or make shitty things happen? You mentioned the parable of the wheat and the weeds, but there is an important part that many people overlook. Yes the victims didn’t will these things be done to them, but reading on in the parable the sower has all his workers coming to him saying, “I thought you were a good farmer. How could you sow all these weeds? I thought you were good.” Then we have to read what the farmer says in response. For that is the important part. He answers, “An enemy has done this.” So to say, this is not my fault. An enemy has done this.
Truth of the matter is, God couldn’t do anything. “What!” you say, “How could you say ‘God can’t’ do something?” Truth of the matter is that God is love. We could agree with that, because we have actually read that God is love. So how could a God of love allow an enemy do something like have a 9 year old girl get raped, a women and child killed by a drunk driver while the driver drives away oblivious to what he has done? God has given us free will. This free will allows us to either choose GOd or not….to choose good or not. WHy would he give us free will? Because otherwise, he would not be a God of love. If I held you at gun point and said, “Tell me you love me. YOu love me, don’t you?” I bet you would say, “Yes, I love you.” But you don’t really love me. YOu don’t even know me. I have merely made you love me. And so the farmer says, “Allow them to grow up together (the weeds and the wheat), and then later we will separate them and burn the weeds and store the wheat.” Yes, but WHY! Because to intervene in a situation like that would defy our free will, and to defy our free will would make God someone holding us at gun point, making us love him, and THAT would defy true love, which God IS, so to defy our free will would defy God being love. So since God’s very nature and character IS LOVE, he plain and simply can’t do this. But God is soveriegn! Yes, but he is also LOVE.
But God had a purpose. That is true. God had a purpose…and then an enemy… But an enemy did this.
But what about Job? We have to understand that Job is a wonderful story, and an excellent point, but its not normative. The story of Job is not the norm. We cannot assume that the story of Job is the norm for everyone.
“Its all a part of God’s plan.” Now THAT is the largest piece of shit I have ever heard. No these things are NOT all a part of God’s plan. It is an enemy.
THANK YOU for admiting that you are glum. I get sick and tired of Christians pretending they aren’t glum, disappointed or confused. It pisses me off, because they’re not honest and real. No wonder Christians and Christianity seems fake.
Thanks also for subscribing to my site.
WOOOOOOOOOOOO that was some strong stuff there…FEED THAT SHEEP ANGELA…………………..PRAISE GOD….now this is one anointed woman!…..
I TELL YOU …..I talked two hours and she brought an anointing on me from the LORD that was amazing…
and when she prayed with me for treatment yesterday..I felt such a peace all through it like none other…GOD WORKS with her….with us ALL…he is giving her WISDOM……..AMEN….THAT WAS AMAZING………….GLORY TO THE FATHER ..
LOVE YOU SO MUCH HEATHER……………
AM I THIS SHEEP YOU NEED TO FEED? Please feed this real and honest sheep. I use real and honest language, but to assume I am not being fed would be a pretty rash judgement. I can apologize for my language if it offends, but these are questions I wrestled with all through college. I really appreciate all of you guys here. There is crazy great refinement going on here. Praise God for iron sharpening iron.
zippy, if you look up worm in Strongs, 8438 tola deep red, purple,scarlet yarn, scarlet, worm, maggot
check this site for confirmation of what Jon Courson said about the tola worm http://www.referenceguides.com/isbe/W/WORM_SCARLET-WORM/ or
http://www.heraldmag.org/97nd_11.htm
or http://www.script7.org/types_tola.htm
hope that helps, I did not find the passage about it turning white, but this does give information about the worms. I trust Jon Courson’s teachings for every time I research, I find he is accurate. If you want me to search further I will.
Heather
That is interesting about the gaderines Angela. I am seeking God, so hopefully he will seek me out. I am hurting right now, and I am sorry I cannot be what you seem to want me to be.
pc walker, thank you for your comments. I think I see what you mean about the tares and the wheat, sort of. God is almighty, all powerful, all knowledge, etc. so if the tares got sowed, it was done with God’s knowledge.
You are right that we have to have free will to choose to love God, and I know that God sought me out, I most certainly did not seek Him initially.
Why is it so wrong to want to know things.
And maybe I am not pleasing to God because I don’t have enough faith. Faith 101 is not one of my strong points, but I have come far.
I feel kind of like a failure because I cannot meet up with your expectations of me.
On a positive note, I had a lot of fun today working with 8 girls (4 did not show up) teaching sewing for Girl Scouts. They made hates for a local shelter, a refridgerator magnet, and cut out pillows. In two weeks they will sew their pillows, make a few more things and have earned their sew simple badge. I enjoy helping others.
And I am not always glum, but today is tough.
Heather
I’m sorry if you felt like you needed to meet any sort of expectations from me. In fact, you have met all of my hopes in that you are a CHristian willing to openly admit that you dont have it all figured out, that you don’t know all things. I don’t think its wrong for Christians to want to know things. It becomes so hard for a lot of the college students I minister to when they begin realizing that their faith and things they believe do not always make perfect sense, and then they feel like they are not meeting expectations…most often expectations they have of themselves in regards to their faith. One of the greatest things I have come to know is that God doesn’t expect us to know everything. Praise God that he understands we are humans with limited brains. Praise God that he expects more failure from us than we do of ourselves. Praise Abba Father that he loves us as we are, and not as we should be, because we will never be as we should be. THank you Heather for your honesty. Thats all I hope for from the CHristians I encounter. You know, I would much rather talk to Christians who know they need God’s love and wisdom instead of the CHristians who think they already know it all.
I totally agree with that last statemate of PCWALKER……cause I DONT KNOW IT ALL praise GOD….he teaches me more and more each day! I know that is why he made me a counselor for young girls exactly why……………BECAUSE of the things I WENT THROUGH….it was all for a purpose and he fills my cup daily with new wisdom to GIVE..amen
I pray every moment for GOD TO TEACH ME MORE AND MORE…that is why each day I pray…BRING ME MORE SUPPLIES LORD..amen!
I pray NOT TO BE a KNOW IT ALL..for I WANT TO ALWAYS BE A LEARNER OF THE LORD..amen
HEY PC…I see you go to JESSUP??? …you must live by me….(im in Lincoln)…..I am just up the road..( I snuck over to your site)…oh and by the way..( you didnt offend me none…takes nothing…………to offend me……..PRAISE THE LORD……
HEATHER I am feeling quite wonderful today ..PRAISE GOD..ty for asking and praying. VERY much appreciated………………
GOD IS A GOOD GOD….
WE HAVE a beautiful sunshine day…………….GLORY TO GOD.
I used to love girl scouts…………..I was in girl scouts too as a kid……….a good thing for GIRLS………..!
UMMM I am thinking it was JESSUP i saw…I could be wrong…I HAVE been wrong before…I ADMIT IT……….lol……………….
pc walker, it wasn’t your expectations I was referring to. Thanks so much for caring enough to pont out that it is ok not to be perfect.
I am only born again 2 years, so do not have a background that allows for much know-it-all hood. I keep seeking and learning. I just hope God is patient. I suspect He is more patient than people.
I struggle a lot with faith, and that is the issue that people seem to take exception to.
Heather
I am AT Jessup, but not a student. I am a Resident Director and Director of Campus Programming. My wife and I graduated from Anderson University in Anderson, IN. But I am AT Jessup now.
Well you know I have no expectations. You saw recently what I thought of expectations – hehe.
Off topic question: did anyone say anything about your riddle? Doesn’t seem anyone saw the answer, at least that I can see.
maybe anna did, I thought it was good anyway.
I forgot to mention – mah bad –
You are one of my angels!
Thank you. ((hugs))
Good luck with them. Heh.
<3
You cannot be what I want you to be, that was not my purpose in talking to you. I want you to know what the word of God says. it is the truth that will set you free. You keep trying to save yourself….you can’t save you and nobody else in the flesh can. Yahweh is salvation! You keep insisting that you are too young in the Lord or don’t have enough faith. YES, you do have faith, because without it, you wouldn’t have accepted him. Trust is a matter of choice. Trust doesn’t come by time, it comes with time, side by side. You trust in your own intellect but the word tells us to “lean not to our own understanding”. Stop trusting that you are protecting yourself from God because leaning to that mindset is keeping you out of his presence. Stop trusting that your past is greater than your future. Stop trusting the devil’s lies that God didn’t love you enough. Stop trusting that you have to live with torments. Stop trusting that you have to wait for a longer period of time for deliverance. Stop trusting in yourself to save yourself. Let go and let God. Yes he is longsuffering, much more so than people. But there are a lot of people in your corner that testify of God’s love and deliverance in their lives. In the court of law when trying criminal cases, to exonerate a person from accusations, there has to be witnesses to prove that they are not guilty. In the word, it says let truth be established in the mouth of 2 or three witnesses. You have been given witnesses of the testimonies that Jesus will deliver you and set you free. Recieve the witness and believe them. God love is being extended to you from those who have his love and testify that it is for all that ask. You are not singled out to not recieve his love. You just have to say YES, I RECIEVE YOUR LOVE and ASK him to set you free from the demons that are overtaking your will. love you
you should be on my protected list…let me know if you cant see them
(((hugs)))
Honey, you’ve been through a lot with this post. You’ve poured out your heart. You’ve got every reason to wonder where God was. He has an answer for you. He has a very specific and personal answer for you. I know you know this, but I’m just going to remind you of James 1:13: GOD DOES NOT TEMPT. GOD DOES NOT DO EVIL. This is also for the benefit of someone else I saw post above. The Lord was there the whole time. He kept you alive. Your scars are a badge. Your inadequacies are for His Glory. He taught you things I’ve never learned. You can serve Him in ways I can only marvel at. He works through you what you don’t realize, because it is the work of the Holy Spirit of God. James 1:12 says you’re blessed for your endurance, and you are. You are a blessing to me and everyone else who has received your words and your testimony. This same verse holds the very heart of the promise of the Good News. Love the Lord and receive the crown of life. You’re purpose is to take the evil and the temptations and the trials you’ve endured and be refined like gold from ore into something precious, a beautiful instrument of God, and grain that will multiply the harvest. Be of good cheer. Faithful is he who called you (1 Thess 5:24).
Hi Heather,
God bless you!! I know He is doing a mighty work in you. I will continue praying for you. I am praying that God reveals to you the depth of His love for you. I know that you have been badly abused, as have a lot of us, but God has gathered you under the shelter of His wings and He will wipe away every tear you cried. Lord Jesus, please mend Heather’s scarred heart and mind. Reveal Your mighty love for her. In Your holy and powerful Name Jesus I pray. Amen
Heather, every evil thing that the enemy has used to try and take you out, God will use for His glory and for your redemption. I love you!!
Love Lisa
I think the problem lies in judging God because of the way the people who claim to be His children act a lot of times; but remember, all who claim to be a child of God aren’t truly born again. Remember though, those people who did all of those wrong things chose to go contrary to God’s will. We should pray that God will bring them to their knees in penitence before it’s too late. I have my doubts as to the salvation of many of those people.
Wayne
God’s Marine