February 11, 2005

• Have been studying Revelation. One thing that keeps coming to the surface in that for me is the white robes that are given out in the Kingdom. Some robes are white being washed in the blood of the Lamb. Some are given to martyrs and then they are told to rest awhile longer until their numbers are completed.

  
  

  Kind of brings to mind the scarlet thread that wanders throughout the Bible. How it is so linked to Jesus and his ancestry. Remember the scarlet thread that Rahab hung out her window so that the Israelites would not attack her house or the people in it. How she ended up marrying the king. She sure reclaimed her harlotry.

  
  

  There is a worm that was used to dye the scarlet used in the temple. This worm lays eggs on a leaf and then covers the eggs with its body. The worm dies in the process of protecting its eggs. And then a remarkable thing happens. The red worm’s body turns white and becomes like an ash. It eventually falls to the ground as if it is snow. Isn’t that an awesome picture of what Christ did for us. “Though your sins be scarlet, they will become white as snow.”

  
  

  Would that white robes would make us feel clean all the way through. Have you ever had visceral memories, where the image is so strong that you feel like you are back in the midst of the situation. Sometimes the memories I am facing are that strong. Some of the things that happened to me are such that you felt dirty, there was no way not to feel dirty, and when the memories of those come up, it is hard to see one as being completely cleansed. When you are violated, something is taken away forever.

  
  

  My father and mother took away my innocence at a very young age. Even if I wanted to come to Christ as a child, couldn’t do that, for I never was a child, ever. I know it says that God can restore what the locusts ate, but it seems like an incredible promise. How can one restore innocence? How can one turn back the hands of time and fulfill a void that was never filled?

  
  

  Now I can forgive the people who hurt me so. In fact, once for Lent I actually prayed for them for 40 days, and forgave them. It was the hardest thing that I ever did. But one thing that doesn’t go away is the memories. Do the memories ever become easier to deal with? Oh for just once a real sense of God there, working in my life, in a way that there would be no way to deny that it was there.

  
  

  It took a long time for me to be able to say, “I love you” to God, kind of was afraid that he would reject that love. I hear people asking God for things, about the only thing that I ask God for is a sense of his being, and that my family becomes saved.

  
  

  I do have one prayer request for you. A girl in my daughter’s class, named Kayleigh, is scheduled for surgery Feb. 21. She has a problem with her spinal cord crushing, and they are doing surgery because the interventions they have tried are not working. Am praying that the surgery isn’t necessary, but if it is done, that it works, and she heals quickly without pain. This is the third time the surgery is scheduled, don’t know if it will happen now or later, but it would be awesome if the surgery wasn’t necessary at all. She is such a sweet girl. Thanks,

  
  

  Heather

  • 1:07 am
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