February 7, 2005
-
Well, we just changed computers and somehow I lost the picture that my daughter had created for fun, so decided this picture of Jane Austin is kind of cool, it was either that or an unimaginative picture of heather flowers.
Battling depression today big time, and it seems that lately I have found a group of prayer warriors who are battling in my corner. I am so grateful for them as I really do want to resolve the issues that are troubling me. Guess my logical mind tends to get in the way of faith.
All are asleep, and I am taking a few minutes to myself before heading off to bed. Still reading Brendon Manning’s book on God’s love. Some people seem to feel it flood over them. I don’t think I have ever had that experience. Perhaps for me God’s love is in the love of others.
Oh for the peace of God that passes all understanding. I kind of feel like an animal that is frozen in the headlights, wanting to run away but paralyzed with fear, but definitely not able to step forward into the arms of God either. For me, the pressing fear is that if I reach out to God and He doesn’t reach back, then there is nothing left. I can’t face nothing.
Well, I guess on this glum note, I will say good night for now. Sorry, I do promise to try and put more uplifting things on my site.
Heather
Comments (23)
Heather, don’t let fear get in the way of reaching out to God. I can relate to this b/c I’ve lived and still do sometimes fear so many things that it causes me to stress, be down, dislike myself and everything else. It’s crazy for me to keep fearing sometimes b/c continually, our Father shows us how much He loves us, cares for us and how much His heart delights in hearing us talk to Him and enter in His presence. Prayer is powerful to help us get through depression, but also having faith and surrendering to God to take lead our lives, and our troubles brings forth peace. God is there even when He seems ’silent’. Keep pressing in with Him and be strong =), He is forever faithful. Lovins, ~E
Heather, I left a prayer on Angels site for you…Well, I guess you could say it was “for” you… I really felt like I was praying “in your stead” though when I was praying… maybe that is what “intercession” is… I just felt like “I was you” and I was praying to God in your place… it was very odd. I hope you don’t think I am being weird… but I just felt it was something I had to do. As I have said before, I too have been abused and have suffered depression and so I think maybe we just kind of struck a chord and so I went before the Lord on your behalf. Love, Bee
Hey SWEETHEART…wanted to make sure I got to you before I headed to bed……I wanted to let you know I am still on YOUR SIDE..and standing there with you all the way…………..ok!
LOVE YOU HEATHER…………sleep well and know tomorrow is a new day…..and I am in constant prayer for you…my friend……with love ROBIN
hey, thank you so much for the comment, it meant alot, I’ll be praying that You’ll be able to reach out to God, I promise you he will always reach to you when you let him, it just might take a bit to feel him, never lose faith God Bless
(hug)
Thank you, again. Have to leave here early to do a few errands, but will be back later today.
Heather
So many, many confirmations on God’s love. Have some my sweet friend. I have left up the protected post and there are more words and prayers for you. I hope that you will go by today. I have also reposted a poem that I wrote when I thought God had abandoned me. I had some abandoment issues too. But when I finally called out to him, he heard me. I am glad to know that you long to feel the presence of God. There are some awesome people here that are holding you up in prayer because of the love of God they have for. You are so right, God is showing you his love through others for now until you surrender and let him love you personally. Just let go and let God. I will continue to lift you up, you are on my heart. Love you
You know sometimes we are just at the spot where we have to “stand still” and see the salvation of the lord but in those times just keep on praising HIM and you will find yourself able to run toward HIM and be able to move ahead. I love your site it may seem like you are down today but you post such encouraging things on my website I can’t wait to see what you have to say..
Thanks so much Heather
You are being honest, and God likes that. So do the rest of us. None of us lives on a mountain top, not all the time. Ps 121:1-2 help me out when I’m feeling blue. Be blessed.
I listened to a sermon on tape last night. It had an interesting message that might give you something to think about.
2 Kings 7:3-4
3 And there were four leprous men at the entering in of the gate: and they said one to another, Why sit we here until we die?
4 If we say, We will enter into the city, then the famine is in the city, and we shall die there: and if we sit still here, we die also. Now therefore come, and let us fall unto the host of the Syrians: if they save us alive, we shall live; and if they kill us, we shall but die.
The point? By closing yourself off from God, you’ve already prevented yourself from experiencing His closeness the way you long for, so what have you got to lose by trying? If you open up and God doesn’t fill you with His presence and His joy as you expect, then how has your situation changed?
Thank you so much for praying for Nancy, her site is casurvivor you can link through my subscriptions to the left on my site. Thank you, so much and God bless you, I’ll be around this way again real soon to read todays post.
HUGS,
Maria
Just read your post closely and I’m glad I did… You are a preacious child of the all mighty Creator, though your fears may trouble you, know that He is with you right there, right now. Feel him in the air you breath, in a word of kindness for whereever you look He is there. Look in a mirrow, and see what a beatifu creation He has made in you. Do not be afraid to reach out, for He is longing for you. His arms have been stretchout for your always and He promises to never retrieve His arms unless you are resting in Him. You long for warmth, confort, peace and joy and He longs to bring all that and more beyound your emagination to you today. May the faith left in you today be that of a mustard seed, step in against your pain, and your will and see a miracle. God loves you, He is crazy about you and He does not want another minute with out you. Give Him your all with no holding back, give Him your fears and your grief and see how He will give you joy, hope, mercy, grace and freedon in return.
God bless you, remember that from the Well of Living Waters springs up blessings of joy.
Warm hugs your way
Maria
i am so glad to hear that you are surrounded by those that intercede for you…we will keep you in our prayers as well…hope your day goes well…
Amen to momkeen!
You said
“Some people seem to feel it flood over them. I don’t think I have ever had that experience. Perhaps for me God’s love is in the love of others.”
1 John 4:12
No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us.
You said
“Well, I guess on this glum note, I will say good night for now. Sorry, I do promise to try and put more uplifting things on my site.”
If you don’t feed yourself, you won’t be in any condition to feed others. This concept should not be foriegn to you. As a wife and a mother, you can’t do your job taking care of them, if you don’t first make sure you are healthy and rested. You can sacrifice for others, but at a certain point our flesh will restrict us by exausting itself. This is not selfishness, it’s a fact. Draw from the well of living water and you’ll be able to overflow to others who thirst.
1 John 7:38
He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water.
Hey, thanks for the comment. I’m great! I just know alot of people who are feeling those things. I just want them to find the Comfort I’ve found.
AMEN yes TO MOMKEEN aka MARIA….amen………………………
JUST STOPPING by to say…………………..HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY in the LORD…….thinking of you and hoping your day is sunny and bright and filled with GODS LOVE………..love from JESUS and ME…..ROBIN
LORD God, I thank You for filling Heather’s heart & life with Your light, comfort, & power right now; not because she deserves it, but because Your Son, Jesus of Nazareth the Messiah, willingly suffered & died in her place. I thank You for getting to the true source of this depression, revealing it to her, helping her to see it as you see it, & delivering her from it’s power in the name of Jesus of Nazareth the Messiah.
(((Hugs)))
You can post anything you want to. YOUR xanga.
xXx
How are you doing today? I hope it was a better day for you.
Hey Heather. Wow I had to catch up on two of your posts and it took me twenty minutes to get through the comments. Things have been kinda overwhleming for me the past couple of days. Alisha grieving, having to many things to do and not enough time, Tim is going through something mental health wise right now..we are not sure what…he is on so many meds that it is sometimes hard to tell…but the problems seep up through the meds and make him feel and act not normally….and that is prety draining for all of us. I am also really anxious about the money situation.
A few things that struck me from your past two posts. First dont ever feel like you have to be uplifting on here for your audience. This is our place to vent, to cry out with our joys and our struggles. Please be you…it is a beautiful thing no matter what you write.
Teens…yikes they can be a pain cant they? Oh how I was glad when the middle school years ended for my kids. That age is the worst of all if you ask me. Dusty was such a pain at that age. He once actually told me he didnt love me. I know he was only trying to hurt me, and he succeded even though I knew it was a lie. His behaviour improved drastically when he got older and now that he is twenty, he actually is pleasant and for the most part thinks we are alright. But I really wasnt sure when he was younger if this day would ever come. Alisha has always been a sweetheart and never had behaviour problems. But she is so introspective at times, that that alone was pretty overwhelming to deal with. Keep on keeping on with them, and you are so right that they need to know your love. You have such a love for them, they feel it…they just dont want to admit it. :S But go us for breaking the cycle of abuse and giving our kids a loving home!!!!!!
Well I have more to say but I need to go get alisha up for school. I will be back later.
Love you! Marlene
It is amazing how my perspective of things differs from what it used to be. I wish that I could say that I great up in a family that taught me the truths of His love from an early age. It is pretty awesome to me to know that God is so BIG. We have so many names that try to describe who He is. One of the names is Abba…Father…Daddy. Wow. This is so kewl to me. It doesn’t matter if you are a child, a teen, an adult, or a senior—there is something special about having a heavenly father that loves you and is passionate about you. Have a great week!
(((((((((HEATHER)))))))))))i just spent two hours on the phone with ANGELA…and we talked about how Beautiful your soul was….and she is a lovely person…I could feel her anointing all the way through the phone..GLORY TO GOD…and a revelation hit me…….
GOD LOVED ME SO MUCH….he knew this day…..I would write to you and say……HEATHER…..I LOVE YOU…..( he had to save me….from everything………amen)!……………………love Robin