A friend sent me a copy of one of your devotionals and I subscribed. I do look forward to reading what you send and find some of your ideas intriguing.

I opened up Psalm 73 as you suggested. It seems to follow a pattern of the book of Revelation with the final judgement and a bit of Romans.

I can relate to the Psalmist who is envious of those who do evil and seem to reap blessings in the earth. I guess it is understandable that people do question the blessings of those who are evil. I can also see that they might assume that God turns a blind eye to their evil doings.

At 8 I actually came to that conclusion when I decided that God had washed his hands of the earth and turned his back on his people. It was that early that I gave up on God. I did try to pray to Him, but His lack of response disappointed to say the least. (I did read Yancey’s books, but they tended to make me angry a few years ago, maybe things will be different now – so I will try again). I am not so angry at God right now, (guess I would fail the Job test), but sometimes verses that people find comfort in just raise my hackles. 

The turning point of Psalm 73 is verse 17 – when he went into the sanctuary and saw their end, and the judgement they would face.

Truth be told, I have been seriously seeking God, studying the Bible, and sometimes I am better with God than other times. This is not one of those times.

How do you explain Psalm 139:15-16. God fashioned all of our days before we were born. If he knows our beginnings, middle and end, then how do you explain a loving God fashioning some of the horrors that people face?

And believe me, I know that I too did very sinful things, but sometimes I wonder if God had planned better, could He not have helped me avoid some of the choices I made? And I have repented of these choices. I also work at forgiving those who hurt me. I really do hope that they found God before they died.

Greg Boyd talks about free will in his books. I know God needed to give us the freedom to choose to obey or not, to choose to love Him or not, but how can a God observe what is going on and intervene so selectively, if at all? I know God is sovereign (or so the Bible says) but He does let so much hurt happen. The idea of God crying over our hurts doesn’t cut it. I would rather have had a God who stopped the hurt or at least reached down and comforted me. But an abandoning God was tough to take at 8.

I am much older than 8 now, but it is hard to forget the abandonment of the past and trust God now. I have gotten over much of what happened to me and made my life pretty good. But it was the work I did, and it took a long time. Believe it or not, much of it done without God. I am trying to trust God now, but suspicion, fear and distrust are still rampant. If God does  not work, then there is no where else to go, so I hope a bit that I can resolve this issue. I have worked my way through many alternative religions and found them lacking. I am kind of afraid to ask much of God, because it might be better to pretend that He would be there than to find out that it is not true.

The concept of trusting God is scary. How can one be sure that God will not abandon you again in the future when He abandoned you in the past? Or is it just pretend that God is there and cares and hold onto that like a security blanket in the face of remarkable evil. Or as SpongeBob (whom my kids like to watch) says, “Use your imagination.” I wish faith was not such a blind thing.

Hope your Christmas is Great! My kids have one more day before their Christmas break and they are excited. Through them I have found some joy in Christmas, a holiday I used to avoid.

Heather