July 24, 2006
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Rashel asked the following question.
Oh, and for my question: how do you move past bitterness and anger?
Oh that is a tough one, and I am looking forward to hearing your responses about this. We have a music minister named Joy in our church and she talked about the root of bitterness. Being a gardener she spoke about it being like a piece of crabgrass. If you don’t pull it out and get rid of ALL the roots it grows back. If you leave it alone it grows and chokes out all the good grass.
I still at times find pieces of bitterness in me and try hard to root them out. I think the first step is forgiveness (a process), forgiving those who hurt us. Forgiveness works for anger too.
Before I got saved, I took a good, long, hard look at my life. I thought I had lived a pretty good life, but in a real honest mirror, I saw that I too had hurt people. I had caused damage, I had done wrong. I was not perfect. I wanted God to forgive me, to cleanse me of my sins, and given my sinfulness, who was I to hold onto anger or unforgiveness to someone else.
That does not mean seeing the world with rose color glasses. I know there is hurt and pain, anger, rage, and bitterness. But I have to choose to leave some things behind to move forward toward the good that God has in store for me. I don’t need roots of the past choking my progress, especially bitterness roots. See, what I fertilize will grow. If I stew in my past hurts, I fertilize them and they stay with me. The truth is that most of those who have hurt me in the past are dead, or don’t care, or don’t even know that they caused much hurt, so my stewing over it doesn’t change anything. What does change is God’s transforming of that hurt into something that can help others. I can’t do it on my own, so often I ask God for help. If a bitter thought comes up, I give it to God. He understands and helps. I also have Pastor Don to talk with. The feelings are there, but I don’t have to be controlled by them. I don’t want to be a prisoner of the roots of bitterness.
Anger scares me. I get angry, at times I rage, but when someone is angry around me I cower. I grew up in a home filled with anger. So I run from anger. Yet there is such a thing as righteous anger, like when Jesus cleansed the temple. And we are told in the Bible not to go to sleep with anger.
My sister and I grew up in a home filled with abuse – I have learned to forgive and let go of anger, she has held onto and cherished her anger and bitterness. To date she has had over 27 major surgeries, and is prone to flying into fits of rage. She remembers every tiny detail of abuse, and I have forgotten so much.
Pastor Don says that we have to face or pasts, look at them, give them to God, forgive and repent and over time they become memories not so charged with emotion. I am seeing that kind of healing from God now, there are still pockets of resistance. When I come across one, I stop and pray and ask God’s help in sorting out the issues. I am by no means perfect, but I have to tell you having God in my life has done more in a few years than many years of therapy has ever done.
Have a blessed night. And I really am looking for all of your input in this topic as it is one that I am still working on.
Heather
Comments (8)
thanks so much for your message… i was getting ready to post what was going on about that
i pray that you are doing very very well today
Bryan
Like so much else in life, getting past anger and bitterness is often a choice. The problem is many think that when you forgive it also means you forget (at that exact moment) and I think the forgiveness is there at that moment but the forgetting takes time. Each time the memory or the old hurt revives itself it is a choice to dwell on it or a choice to remember that you forgave. You can choose to dwell on it or choose to remember forgiveness. I was terribly hurt by a man in leadership once. I had to forgive him or my life would crater, my spiritual and mental well-being depended upon my forgiving him. I did. It was not easy but I remembered God’s love toward me and how could I not forgive as God commanded me to… but the forgetting…. that was much much harder. I can’t say I’ve ever really forgotten but I haven’t let it control me or be something that I dwell on. The day I forgave this man I picked up a small rock from his yard. I put it on my windowsill above my sink. Each day I saw that rock and as the memories of the man and the abuse surfaced I remembered that my forgiving of him was real, as real and solid as that rock. I may not feel it at the moment, but it was real. Just that physical reminder that the forgiveness was a reality, and not something temporal helped. It was a choice. Hold on to the bitterness and get sick, or remember the forgiveness. The thing is, with God this is possible.
Some people can have too much therapy, they never move beyond because of it.
Questions like that are hard to answer sometimes with a ‘formula’
It really takes the spirit of GOd to transform us and lead us to let go of anger
I am a passionate person and in that I am prone to anger too. I relate to when Peter cut off the Roman Soldier’s ear when I see injustice, evil, sin, ect… Jesus healed the ear and corrected Peter though and said that is not what we are here for.
But one thing I read one time was anger is not an alone emotion sometimes it is hidden fear or insecurity, or control issues we have, or pride, or it can even be self preservation. God should be our only Savior not ourselves.
Just because we forgive someone does not mean we are saying they were right or we even have to allow them to be close to us… we are just turning it over to God to handle which He does. God hates sin and abhors evil. If we remember that and say that to ourselves when we know evil is happening it says a lot about our faith in God. We are taking our hands off of it and allowing the Heavenly Father to deal with His children or what He created. If we keep our hands on it and don’t allow God then we put Him in a box and are not really realizing How big He is.
Another way God spoke to me… was who better disciplines my children their teachers, other adults, Now don’t get me wrong I am fine with others correcting my children when they deserve but I know better what their currency is what really gets their attention and how to guide them not to do something wrong most of the time better than others for I am their Mother. God gave them to me therefore He gave me insight… Like for instance when my youngest was 4 his sunday school teacher put him in time out, which was fine but she placed him not realizing that she did in front of a mirror. He made faces the entire time at hisself while he was in time out. She finally spoke to me and asked me how to resolve the situation I said take away his privilege of going outside make him watch his friends play on the playground from the bench. She did and guess what it only had to happen once. My oldest on the other hand who is more of a people pleaser and rule follower all you have to say to him is you are dissappointed in him and he will stop. The younger is different.
Sometimes we don’t know what gets peoples attention when their is evil in people’s hearts God is the only one who knows best on how to correct, Now He can use his people to correct but It has to be His timing, His way, and His guidance. When we forgive though we become more like Christ… Another thing that echoes in my head when dealing with unforgiveness is Jesus died on that cross begging for our forgiveness for we knew not what we were doing. I know when God has corrected me it was things I never wanted to do again that is why we are told to truely repent of sin and not just see it as nuisance but that it had a price… Jesus’s blood. God also said dear child I am Creator and I sit on the throne I put boundaries on the oceans as it says in Job. you are my child… Just obey and follow and trust for I am the King, the Judge, Counselor, Abba, Savior, High Priest… you are my child. Abide in me and I will abide in you.
I never have had to hang on a cross… I also heard John MacCarthur say in a sermon on forgiveness.. When you don’t forgive you are saying the cross was not payment enough. wow talk about humbling. He used a man whose child had been murdered and when someone asked if he forgave the murderer the man said yes, Jesus already shed His blood.
1Cor. chapter 13 is also something I read when I really have to examine myself and see if I am following Jesus commands ” He told us to make disciples of men and to love one another.”
” … Love does not act unbecomingly; does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account wrong suffered.
Please know whoever reads this comment this is a topic I have really studied because it is a daily struggle and sin I have to let God deal with me hourly of the day. This is not judging or condemning anyone and I am thankful you brought this up as a topic. Anger is a big sin in my life and I pray daily that God show me how to have righteous anger but not sin in my anger…
I feel it is something that at times really cripples me and I also pray for God to burn out even the seed of bitterness and unforgiveness everyday and He convicts me and corrects me daily. Psalms and Proverbs tells us also don’t envy the evil doer.
In above comment they said it takes the Spirit of God to transform and lead us to let go I know from personal experience that is true.
Love In Christ
P
Thank you so much for answering my question! I remembered from your testimony that you’d had lots of experience in this area, so I thought that you were just the person to answer such a question.
Have a blessed day!
How to get rid of the bitter roots:
1) Take your medicine and swallow the bitter medicine of humbleness if you are a proud person.
2) Pull out the bitter roots completely, leave no trace behind and it will be unable to grow back.
3) Ask for help in removing the bitter roots. The Lord works thru us and others to rid us of our bitterness.
So simple but at times it seems like the devil has made it tough to do. With faith all things are possible, with doubt even the easiest task seems insurmountable.
Your blog is inspiring, I hope I visit more often. God blesses those who believe and remembers his teachings.
how do you move past bitterness and anger? ~ continually turning things over to HIM; Remembering that NOTHING is worth hurting my relationship with Jesus, so giving up whatever is harmful to my relationship with HIM; If Jesus could die for me, a sinner, & forgive me ~ then I can forgive out of love for Jesus ~ as a gift or sacrifice for HIM!
Thanks Heather for praying for my daughter-in-law. She is taking 2 pills a day and supposed to take 3. She has to be awake to take care of her baby (18 mths. old) so she is taking one at night and one when the baby sleeps in the afternoon. Then she can sleep a little. The inner ear infection causes her to be light headed and dizzy. Thanks again.
Bonnie (nannybonnie)