June 29, 2006

• Diary of a dog/diary of a cat.

  Here is an old one that I saw before, but it still has a ring of truth. Enjoy.

  
  

  
  

  Subject: FW: Fw: Fw: dogs/ cats

  
  

  
  

  
  

   THE DOG’S DIARY:

  
  

  
  

  
  

  7 am- Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!

  
  

  8 am- Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!

  
  

  9 am- Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!

  
  

  Noon- Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!

  
  

  2 pm- Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!

  
  

  3 pm- Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!

  
  

  4 pm- Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!

  
  

  6 pm- Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!

  
  

  7 pm- Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!

  
  

  8 pm- Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!

  
  

  9 pm- Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!

  
  

  11 pm- Oh boy! Sleeping in my people’s bed! My favorite!

  
  

  
  

  ************************************************************

  
  

  THE CAT’S DIARY:

  
  

  Day 183 of my captivity…

  
  

  My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

  
  

  They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.

  
  

  The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.

  
  

  Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet whilethey were walking almost succeeded. Maybe I should try this at the top of the stairs.

  
  

  In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair – must try this on their bed.

  
  

  Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little kitty cat I was. This is not working according to plan.

  
  

  There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that myconfinement was due to my powers of inducing something called “allergies.” Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

  
  

  I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit.

  
  

  The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He speaks with them regularly, and I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait.

  
  

  It’s only a matter of time.

  • 10:38 pm
  • 12 Comments