January 16, 2006
-
Feelings and the truth.
I go through ups and downs in my day. This is one of those days where feelings seems to be ruling and I am spending a lot more time in prayer so that words do not cross my lips that I will later regret.
The truth is that when I accepted Christ into my life I am in His kingdom. The truth is that He knew I would make this choice and made provision for me before I was even conceived. The truth is He sent His son to die for me so that my sins would be forgiven and I could boldly go into the Throne Room of Grace, adopted into His kingdom.
The lies that are besetting my mind right now are based on fear that somehow God would rather not have me in His kingdom, that I should skirt the borders of the kingdom, hide out, not be noticed, not ask, for if I do then I will draw God’s attention to me and He will realize his colossal mistake of letting me into the kingdom. I know this is not true. But I guess the hurts of the past run deep and lately my memories have been emerging. One of which is the thought that, since my parents did not want me, that because they chose to abuse me, that somehow I was unlovable. So, if they did not like me, why should God like me.
I struggle so dealing with the Love of the Father. I can handle being ignored, fearing God, wanting to be good, following rules, but when it comes to seeing God as 1 Corinthians 13, which portrays God and Love, I want to run and hide.
I covet your prayers during this time because I am trying to remind myself of the truth but depression is nipping at my feet.
Heather
Comments (18)
Heather, I would still be DEAF if I had not persisted in faith – today I hear clearly. I don’t know why God doesn’t answer the way we wish or the way that makes sense but He does answer. And as we minister to others we become free from focusing so much on ourselves (which may lead to depression). I’m not judging you or questioning your heart – I’m thankful you know God and are slowly learning to trust Him with more – you have more faith than you know. All God’s best, chilly
I heard a quote years ago that I will never forget: “When Satan tries to remind you of your past, remind him of his future.”
I’ll be praying for you.
IF MY PAST COMES UP I GO TO PHILIPPIANS 3:13b-14…forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.
)
KEEPING U IN MY PRAYERS….greg <><
I’m praying. II Corinthians 10:3-5.
Larry
{Hugs and prayers}
Heather, I’m praying for you. We all have days like that. You are so precious to Him. Do you know how much rejoicing there is in heaven evertime someone accepts Christ. I pray the peace of God surrounds you and lifts you up and that the joy of your salvation fills your mind and heart. Tell the enemy to get lost in Jesus name.
i hate depression. praying for you heather…love, joy
Hi Heather,
The truth…that is what we must remember…we must renew our thoughts …we must believe what He says…
love and prayers…
Kerri
RYC: it does indeed take alot sometimes tob meek…
tahnk you for your encouragement
1See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 2Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears[a] we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. 3And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure. 1 John 3: 1-3 (ESV)
Heather our prayers are with you. As much as we strive to ‘improve ourselves,’ and seek God’s will and direction, we find that Satan is also always trying to counsel us with untruths just as he did with Eve in the garden.
Keep this thought in mind also. God used your parents to bring you into this world and he allowed them to do the things you have experienced so you could be molded and shaped into the person you are today. You have a God given purpose in this life. If nothing else, your posts here on Xanga, as you chart your progress towards a more steadfast faith, is a ministry to many who come across this page while browsing. I use your page as a ‘quick’ devotion as food for thought when I just don’t have the time for my own private study.As chilly dog stated above, you have more faith than you realize. God does not make mistakes.Christ died for all sinners. Even the robber (one any way) who was hanging beside Jesus believed and was accepted into the kingdom.
We are told to not judge each other. But, that it seems impossible to do because we always seem to compare ourselves to others who we ‘judge’ to be holier than we are. We have all been made equal through Christ. If you have the time read Galatians 3. It is through faith that we recieve the promise of being the adopted sons and daughters of Christ.
Hmmmm, getting long winded here and did not mean to.
Our prayers are with you that God will place his hand upon you and relive you from your troubles.
In Chirst, Steve I
Lord, I pray for my sister in Christ. Fill her up Lord with love, remove this bondage of feeling unloveable by you! Lord I pray a hedge of protection around Heathers heart that she will realize your love is unfailing forever and ever.Help her to trust that feeling of your love. Lord let her realize that as a mother she will never not love her own children,just as YOU Father will always love your precious child.Let her look as her walk as a child of God who is growing in love for you.Erase those hurts she has from unloving earthly parents who were living under the lie of the deciever. Lord fill her cup up with love from you,erase this feeling of pain,let this past emotion fade from her memory. My hope and trust is in you Father God to work in Heathers heart. Lord I thank you for Heather,her example her honesty.Amen.
Psalm 13:5
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
Heather….I just want to throw my arms around you and hug you tight! I want to remind you of why you ARE precious to Him. But then deep down you do know that…it’s just the lies of the enemy trying to keep you “down” that are bombarding your thought life! Take that captive…..memorize the scriptures that you can quote when those naggings arise in the flesh….go with the “I am fearfully and wonderfully made” and keep quoting til he flees! But then I know you know these things too! You truly are precious to Him…if it’d been for only one…ONLY YOU…He would still have chosen the cross! I’m praying for you Heather….and I do wish I could hug you right now! Have a blessed Tuesday and may everything you see and hear today when you awake remind you of His prescence in your life! May He suddenly make you feel His arms around you! Be Blessed! ~Gena~
life is full of interruptions. even in the smallest of times, with the smallest of things.
praying for you-
and thanks for sharing the story!
:: stoker
I struggle with that, too (“if my parents didn’t want me, why should God”.) Only those who’ve been through it can really understand the dilemma of the soul that arises in these situations! But as you know, cling to the objective Truth of the One Who cannot lie…..and realize you are well-equipped to minister to OTHERS who are growing up now like you did then…..it’s a painful privelege that you have!
I pray for you… satan is the father of lies and he wants you to feel that God is far away… God will always love you… NO Matter what you do…. Think of the prodigcal son…. (SP) His arms are always open for you…
Blessings,
kim
I had a really hard time with this also up until a couple of years ago. It was through what started out to be a silly poem that God led me to understand that I am His Princess. That word took on a whole new meaning to me. I’m not His Princess because I deserve to be…but because He adopted me and loves me as any father SHOULD love his daughter. At the point I was struggling with this and really wanting to feel His love 3 strangers came up to me and told me…God wants you to know how much He loves you…He loves you, He really loves you. If I could say anything to you this morning, it would be just that…He loves you…you are His Princess…you don’t have to earn that status…it’s given to you through the blood of Christ. People laugh at me because I’m 39 and have Princess car seat covers and Princess this and Princess that…even a tattoo that’s a tiara and says God’s Princess…whatever it takes to remind myself of who I am in Him…the world can think it dorky…but everytime I see anything with Princess on it, it’s a reminder to me…and it makes me smile and feel His love. You’re a Princess dear one….no one can take that away from you.
Have a blessed day!
Michele
…I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saits, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. – Ephesians 1:17-19
May you feel the arms of your Abba Father holding you close. May you hear him whispering to your soul, “I’ve got you. It will be okay. We’re going to make it, because nothing can separate you from my love.
you’re always in my prayers… you are a child of God. He loves you and wants you in His kingdom.. do not let his promises be muted by the enemy’s taunts. Hugs.. and I’m praying for you!!