June 26, 2005

• Pastor Don will be having a book come out soon on a topic called Christianease – which is using words that we, as Christians understand, but the general public may have a different perspective. In the same joke spot that I shared yesterday, a few weeks ago they had this. I plan to copy it out for Pastor Don, but thought you might enjoy it as well.

  
  

  The Lift
  

  “Christian Speech”
  (Author Unknown)
  

  PART 1
  “Have you ever been saved?”
  “Sure. Once when I was 9, I was swimming at the beach and a strong
  undertow began to drag me out to sea. My uncle heard my call and…”
  “No, not that,” came the interruption. “I mean redeemed, reborn, you
  know, washed in the blood. Have you?”
  “What in the world are you talking about?”
  “Convicted, I mean. Have you ever been convicted?”
  “Well, of course not. I’ve never been in trouble with the law.”
  A pause. “I think you need to be delivered.”
  “Delivered? I was just waiting for the bus home. I think I’ll stick
  to that, thank you very much.”
  “No, man! Hey, I think we should have lunch together some time.”
  “OK.”
  So a time was set.
  

  PART 2
  “Sorry I’m late. I was having a quiet time, and forgot to keep
  track of the clock at work.”
  “A quiet what?”
  “You know, your prayer closet.”
  “You pray in a closet? At work?”
  “Oh, no, it’s in my car.”
  “You have a closet in your car?”
  Another pause. “I think you’d better read this when you go home.
  It’ll help you get there.”
  

  PART 3
  “Well, I got born again.”
  He was elated. “Now we’re getting somewhere! So what you need now
  is to find a good body.”
  “You mean at the local health clubs?”
  

  PART 4
  “I found a good body.”
  He was elated. “Now we’re getting somewhere!”
  “Her name is Denise. We’re married.”
  A pause. “Well, OK. What you both need to do is to get planted
  somewhere.”
  “I’m not a plant. Why would I want to do that?”
  “No, no, no. I mean committed, plugged in, you understand?”
  “Not really. I’m not a toaster.”
  “Oh, man! Come on, we’ll go to my church Sunday.”
  “OK.”
  

  PART 5
  After the service, the question came.
  “Boy, God really moved, didn’t He?!”
  “Huh? Where did He go? I was getting to know Him, and now you’re
  telling me that He’s gone!”
  “No, man, He didn’t leave! It’s just that so many were stepping
  out and moving in the gifts!”
  “You mean people were leaving? And what’s this about presents?”
  “No, no, no. The gifts were really flowing, didn’t you see? And
  didn’t you notice Denise was on fire?”
  “Fire? Denise got burned? What happened? Is she OK? Did she
  touch the furnace?”
  “No, no, no! Denise is fine. I just think she is really called
  and God really wants to use her.”
  “What do you mean? Did she say she was getting too many phone
  calls or something? And what’s this about God wanting to take
  advantage of her?”
  A deep sigh. “I think we need to walk in the light for awhile and
  talk more.”
  “Sure, OK, where do you want to go? We can go now; plenty of
  daylight outside.”
  One final, deep sigh.
  

  PART 6
  Now it’s been 2 years since I was saved and delivered, plugged in,
  planted, committed to a good body. God has been moving and I’ve been
  stepping out in the gifts. I can hardly believe how God is using me.
  

  I do have one new problem, however. It seems that my friends can’t
  understand me anymore. When I share about my redemption, about how
  I’ve been washed in the blood as white as snow, that I desire to
  follow the Lamb where ever He goes, they just tune me right out. I
  guess they’re just convicted when they see me on fire.
  

  ———
  AND NOW A QUICK MESSAGE FROM CHRIS:
  

  What a reminder to us that sometimes our “Christian Speech” can be downright confusing and odd sounding to those that are not Christians. We need to be extra careful with the words we use when witnessing and not assume that the other person will automatically know what we mean. -Chris
  

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  • 8:33 am
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